Happy Holidays to everyone except men
With the holiday season just around the corner, you’ve probably got a lot on your mind: what gifts to get your family, where you want to travel during winter break and how it’s possible that men still don’t know how to respect women in the workplace.
Thinking about all of these things can take up a lot of time and energy. So in order to get your mind off of the holidays, winter break and the perpetual gender discrimination that for some reason never seems to be fully addressed, The Aggie has compiled a handy list of cute white elephant ideas you can break out at your next holiday shindig.
An Inspirational Pillow
This is a groundbreaking gift that will be sure to momentarily distract you and your loved ones from the jarring realization that men continually view women as lesser beings in the workplace. A super cute quote like “Be yourself, everyone else is taken” will be the icing on the cake. This quote specifically will have a lasting impact on whomever you choose to gift the pillow to, as most women can relate to wanting to be someone else — like maybe a man, upon realizing how little respect is apportioned to them in commonplace settings.
An Easy Bake Oven
This gift in particular will really get your mind off of gender discrimination. It’s a super ironic kind of gift that says “I’m trying to force traditional gender roles on you but in a hilarious throwback kind of way.” Too funny! This subtle, subliminal kind of gender reinforcement from the ‘90s is sure to help you forget that men today still treat women like objects.
To be clear about this gift, we’re talking about a generic, sad candle — not to be confused with a fancy candle. This is a great gift because it so bluntly tells anyone who receives it that you don’t care about them at all and put little to no thought into buying this depressing pile of wax. Luckily, this ends up being a good thing because it will help you forget about how men treat women in a similarly careless manner.
The list really does not get any more comprehensive than that. So if you want to forget about the disproportionate amount of discrimination and disrespect aimed toward women in the workplace, be sure to pick up a few candles and pillows this season. 🙂
Written by: Lara Loptman — firstname.lastname@example.org
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)