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Wednesday, October 20, 2021

Humor: Is eating Tide Pods the new feminism?

DANIELLE MOFFAT / COURTESY

Spoiler: Yes

With the new craze of eating Tide Pods storming social media, a lot of people have been wondering what it all means. Is it just a meme? Is it a symbol? The answer to both of those is “no” because, as it turns out, eating Tide Pods is actually a movement for millennials. In fact, eating Tide Pods is eerily similar to one particular movement that women just can’t stop talking about for some reason: feminism.

So The California Aggie was curious and decided to ask the question that so many serious reporting media are afraid to ask: Could eating Tide Pods be the new feminism?

We compiled a comprehensive list of the similarities to find out.

Women don’t do laundry thanks to feminism, and neither do people who eat Tide Pods

As it turns out, feminists don’t do laundry because they feel it’s a sign that the patriarchy is oppressing them, and people who eat Tide Pods don’t do laundry because they do not want to waste their snack. It is for this reason that feminists always have dirty, unwashed clothes and that they will never find a husband. Clearly, eating Tide Pods must be the new feminism.

Eating Tide Pods will cause death, and so will being a feminist

Everybody knows that all feminists eventually have to part with this world, and so do people who eat Tide Pods. Both kinds of people die for equally respectable lifelong pursuits. Eating Tide Pods, however, involves demeaning fewer men.

Eating tide pods is an innocent phase, just like feminism

As we all know, feminism is just a phase. Similarly, eating Tide Pods is just a phase, because after trying it once you either die or are bleeding so much internally that you can never try it again. So, they’re basically the same thing.

Through our in-depth research, The Aggie proudly supports the notion that there are no differences between feminism and eating Tide Pods. Both capture mass appeal from millennials for the strong causes they support. So whether you die a Tide Pod eater or a feminist, you’re sure to wow your friends with your martyr status! So go on, eat a Tide Pod and throw feminism to the wind!

 

Written by: Lara Loptman — lrloptman@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)

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