With just six words in a 51-second video, Gary May takes home the big trophy
The Academy Awards have always had controversy around them in terms of nominations. Snubs, undeserving rewards and so on get audiences and filmmakers heated.
But no one can deny that Gary May just won the Oscar for Best Actor in a Feature Film fair and square.
Perhaps you recall the famous Christmas card video that UC Davis released on Dec. 17 to wish Aggies a happy holiday. Mainly, this video circled around three students missing the bus, but the scene-stealer was Gary May, commanding a Unitrans bus with his wife.
After performing in a full-length film (51 seconds long, as they always are), Gary May was shocked when he received the news via carrier pigeon that he was being considered for a trophy of a tiny, naked, golden man.
“Lil’ ol’ me? An Oscar?” May said, clearly blushing. “I mean, first the National Academy of Engineering and now this? Tickle me pink!”
Other actors who were nominated knew that they had no chance once they saw Gary deliver the line “Engage” at the end of his film.
“That man… is an acting GOD,” Tom Hanks said, as he boxed up every award he has ever received and sent them all to May.
Gary May utilized method acting in order to get into the headspace necessary for this iconic role of “chancellor commanding bus.”
“First, I became a chancellor so I could really understand the kind of authority behind my lines,” May said. “You could say that I have been training since I was just a boy for this role,” he giggled.
Gary May also trained to be a bus driver for the video, but he just couldn’t get the hang of it, so they had his wife come in to get the job done.
“Sometimes you gotta bend the knee and give the cool stunts to someone else,” May said. “A good actor knows when they are limited, and I just can’t drive a bus.”
When asked about the famous line “Engage,” Gary May revealed a teensy weensy secret that shook the entire academy.
“I improvised that line!” May said. “‘T’was all me and my creative brain. We needed a closer, and I like to pepper in ‘Star Trek,’ so it worked perfectly. Did you know I like ‘Star Trek?’”
After the entire audience nodded that they indeed knew of his fandom alliances, Gary May hoisted the trophy above his head and gave a beautiful acceptance speech.
“I’d like to thank The Academy, UC Davis, science and my greatest acting inspiration, Will Wheaton!”
With that, Meryl Streep and Denzel Washington gave him a standing ovation, throwing both money and their previous awards toward the man who deserved them more.
Written by: Olivia Luchini — firstname.lastname@example.org
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)