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Davis, California

Friday, July 30, 2021

Humor: Student disappointed to learn that “Funk Night” is not an orgy

MARINA OLNEY / AGGIE

Would have been pretty sick, though

This post was found on Aaron Levins’ Facebook page.

I guess it’s just that I had watched “Eyes Wide Shut” last night and was doing some searching around on Facebook for any local orgies. Not my fault “Funk Night” sounds like a thinly veiled excuse for a sick, sex-crazed, masked night of devious debauchery. Maybe the owners should have thought of THAT.

And before you go posting on my page “How EMBARRASSING, you showed up to a normal crowded bar wearing nothing but a bathrobe and G-string,” I’ll have you know that I was also on shrooms and that it is very unlikely I could have ever known about the fact that this night was simply a funk-music-themed bar anyways, because for all intents and purposes I was on Mars and the big burly bouncers who were kicking my ass were extremely angry aliens that were very mad I had decided to “probe” their planet (would have been a killer trip if it had actually been an orgy).

I’ll have you know that if anyone decides to post on my wall about how I’m so weird and stuff, I will immediately DELETE you and then call the appropriate authorities with which to kick your punk ass.

Anyway, I pull off a G-string quite well.

 

Written by: Aaron Levins — adlevins@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)

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