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Davis, California

Monday, May 27, 2024

Humor: Which inconvenience of my day you are based on your zodiac sign


These inconveniences might surprise you!

Sometimes we have days that are inconvenient. This means that the only way to cope is by choosing to release stress in a healthy way, such as talking to a friend or peer, or to release it in a better way, such as creating a listicle that chronicles said inconveniences in a way that also arbitrarily groups people together. So let’s start with the obvious:

Running over a cement block with my car: Gemini, Scorpio, Aquarius, Leo, other evil signs

If you’re a Gemini, Scorpio or any other sign that I take issue with, the inconvenience of my day that I grant you is when I ran over a cement block with my car. Like the cement block, you are very stubborn and I probably won’t notice you. Unlike the cement block, you do well under pressure (even if that pressure is a very heavy item, like my car).

Being tired despite eight hours of sleep: Cancer, Taurus, Pisces, Libra

Cancers and similar signs are usually depicted as whiny and overly emotional, which is exactly why they perfectly identify with how I feel on a daily basis. I got, like, probably eight hours of sleep, but that is definitely not going to stop me from complaining about how tired I am.

Trying to only have one cup of coffee a day, but forgetting I had a cup of coffee earlier, and then having another cup of coffee: Virgo, Sagittarius

Virgos are known for being very precise, and Sagittariuses probably are, too. For that reason, these signs have been granted the honor of identifying with my miscalculation of my caffeine intake — a rookie move, but one I make on the daily, regardless.

My Hydro Flask water getting warm: Aries

This is obviously a joke, because my Hydro Flask water never gets warm. I put ice in my Hydro Flask at 8 a.m. Right now? It’s 3 a.m., and that water is still colder than Davis when it rains. Aries are perfect, because that’s my sign, just like Hydro Flasks are perfect, because I own one.

As you can see, the signs all have their own unique personalities, but Aries is inherently better than all of them. As you can also see, I have many inconveniences per day, but if you feel bad and would like to make a donation, I have been known to never turn down condolences in the form of LaCroix.



Written by: Lara Loptman — lrloptman@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)


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