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Thursday, May 23, 2024

Humor: I thought I would never find my passion at UC Davis. And I was right.


Funny how life doesn’t surprise you at all and happens exactly how you imagined it

If you have seen the movie “Lady Bird,” then you have probably heard of UC Davis. This ag school just west of Sacramento is home to many attractions, but student passion is not one of them.

Much like the protagonist of “Lady Bird,” Christine “Lady Bird” McPherson, I too am angsty, love telling lies to gain popularity and have a strong aversion to UC Davis. The only real difference between myself and Lady Bird is that she figured out that Davis is a barren wasteland far before I could even dream of reaching such an accurate conclusion.

In my time at UC Davis, I definitely thought somewhere along the way I’d find out what my passion is. Instead, UC Davis has tricked me into believing that true passion is taking four midterms in a single week, every week, for 10 weeks. While this may sound like a very impressive and cool passion to have, it’s only one of my many passions, and it’s not really my true passion.

I have searched far and wide at UC Davis for my true passion during my four years here.

At one point, I thought I had found my passion at the CoHo, but then I remembered that there’s, like, never any Pamplemousse La Croix there whenever I look for it, so I knew that my passion wasn’t located there.

I tried taking classes that interested me, but it turns out that nothing interests me because all I care about is La Croix and making “Lady Bird” references.

Then, one day, when I least expected it, it all finally clicked. Just when I thought I would never find my passion at UC Davis and that all that searching was for nothing, I realized, yeah, I was totally right.

Funny how life can just surprise you like that. But it’s even more funny how life doesn’t surprise you at all and happens exactly how you imagined it.

After four years of naïvely believing I would never be able to find something at UC Davis that truly interests me, it’s crazy to me how incredibly accurate my beliefs turned out to be, but even crazier how I am not actually surprised at all and am just trying to sound humble on paper.

In the end, my impeccable guesstimation skills have once again earned me the reward of accurately predicting yet another character flaw of UC Davis. I guess that’s why people call me the Lady Bird of the West (of Sacramento).

“Lady Bird” references aside, discovering that my passion does not exist at UC Davis has been a real journey. I didn’t learn anything about myself along the way, and if I could do it all again, I absolutely would never. In fact, I would just skip going to college altogether and invent La Croix instead.


Written by: Lara Loptman — lrloptman@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)


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