One bold student stands up to lie in bed
Brace yourself, advocates — the social justice movement has found itself a new hero in Bryce Daniels. Taking cues from important educational system protests of the past, Bryce is embarking on a crusade of his own against the evils of disinterest. Look out world, when Bryce Daniels feels the time is right he is unafraid to stand up — stand up, go home and play Fortnight, that is.
When The Aggie contacted Bryce, he was only available for comment over his Xbox headset. But when we found a matchmade Star Wars Battlefront game, he had this to say: “The East L.A. walkouts were a landmark in the protesting of low-quality education. If my teacher can’t make learning lists of o-chem reactions an experience I crave in the marrow of my bones, what is the quality of my education? I AM AN OPPRESSED MINORITY FROM EAST L.A. IN 1968 METAPHORICALLY!”
Too long has Bryce shouldered the burdens of memorization. Too long has he listened to corny jokes and participated in group exercises. The age of learning is over. The age of watching “Chopped” on Netflix is just beginning.
“Yeah, I know Bryce,” said a member of Bryce’s linear algebra class. “I’ve only seen him a couple of times, but he seems really committed. He’s disciplined in leaving class between 15 and 20 minutes into lecture every single time.”
But Bryce’s protests aren’t just limited to walkouts. He protests in other ways, as well. Classmates have reported that, whenever Bryce feels it’s time to take a stand, he’s unafraid to yawn loudly, put his headphones in or play World of Tanks on his phone.
Bryce told The Aggie that he wishes to be called a hero for his advocacy, and also for his two Battle Royale wins in three days.
Written by: Parker Nevin — firstname.lastname@example.org
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)