Posting a way-too earnest Canvas profile image: Why is it always so zoomed in? Sometimes it’s a selfie, and not a subtle one at that. I seldom see a student image on there, and there’s more of us than there are of them, so I’m not sure what the imperative is to post such a glowing, radiant headshot. To be fair, it does bring a smile to my face to see a tiny round professor smiling in the corner of the screen.
Sending emails with winky faces: Any flirtatious implications aside, what email could a professor be sending where the sentiment is “cheeky?”
“Oops, now I still need to connect the sound…”: Yes, the video is already playing. Yes, it wasn’t easy to get the video going in the first place. Yes, it’s that cord. You’ve got it. Yes, let’s rewind.
Telling you to pour yourself a glass of wine before x assignment: Haha. Where did you get the idea that college students buy wine? Anyway, I’m wondering if they really expect homework done with a glass of wine in hand. It says more about their hardcore grading process post-finals.
Being the only people on bikes wearing helmets… and saddle bags… and a reflective vest?!: It makes sense. After investing in a Ph.D., you’d want to protect your brain. It’s actually nice to see someone so equipped to ride a bike amid five people on their phones while riding electric skateboards. It’s also nice to see a professor similarly running late.
Having six (plus?) adaptors in your bag: I just don’t think I could keep track of that many adaptors. It’s unclear if they are older and newer versions of one model, but, in any case, none of them seem to be working. Let’s just call tech support.
Getting super angry when the previous class doesn’t wipe off the board: I didn’t even know this was an expectation until I witnessed outbursts. It’s okay, we understand you’ve had a stressful day.
Being super proud of the class cover image that you figured out how to post on Canvas: You make a self-deprecating joke about how long it took, but there’s some sadness in your wistful eyes. It looks very nice. Yes, let’s come back to it later in the quarter.
Distributing painstakingly photocopied pdfs of course texts: Totally selfless, generous use of your time. Recognizing how much easier this makes the lives of some students is a blessing. We’re pretty sure you’re the only people still photocopying things.
Making a little closing speech at the end of the quarter: We should always applaud. By the end of 10 weeks, we have come to love your quirks, those very familiar and completely surprising to us.
Written by: Stella Sappington — email@example.com