U.S News & World Report now ranks colleges based on their school colors to give potential students more to consider
This week, U.S. News & World Report confirmed what Davis students have known for a long time — that UC Davis is superior at more than just veterinary and viticulture programs.
After conducting research for a period spanning 12 months that included 500 universities internationally, the popular site that somehow still convinces prospective college students every year that their happiness is determined by arbitrary number ranking systems has released its list of “Best Colleges by School Color.” Out of all the schools in the UC system, Davis’ infamous Aggie Blue and Gold secured the number one spot and placed third internationally — below only University of Michigan’s maize yellow and blue and Notre Dame’s classic blue and gold.
School colors can affect a lot about the college experience, such as what a e s t h e t i c students are limited to, how often they participate in school spirit and how many college sweatshirts students will see athletes wearing around campus every day. U.S. News & World Report considers these and other metrics in their careful deliberation.
“We want to make sure that every student hoping to pursue a college education has all of the resources they need in order to make a decision,” a U.S News representative told The Aggie. “By nature, high school students are complete idiots, and we feel it’s our job to prevent them from thinking for themselves and definitively tell them how to gauge their self-worth.”
“I just got accepted into Davis and I’m so happy!” said George Lawrence, a high school senior. “Davis’ school colors are so much better than UC Berkeley’s. I mean, who would want to wear Berkeley Blue over Aggie Blue? I do wish I could have gotten into Notre Dame, though. They have the best blue and gold in the nation.”
Others are not so happy. “This ranking seems completely arbitrary,” an administrator from UC Berkeley said. “How can you rank schools based on school colors? Everyone knows that Berkeley has the best blue and gold, I mean our gold is called California Gold. We practically invented the color gold. I just don’t see how this makes any sense.”
Written by: Conner Shaw — firstname.lastname@example.org
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)