For this student, “senioritis” comes vaccinated
Everyone knows students have it difficult this time of the year. For some, it’s the first time they’ve ever lived away from home, met hundreds of people in a single day or seen a clique form and exclude them completely, leaving them utterly alone and hopeless. For others, it’s the annual occasion when they decide they had a good run, but this year is just not it, chief.
For one, and that one being fourth-year neurobiology, physiology and behavior, computer science and political science triple major and well-known annoying tryhard Rebecca Griswold, this quarter has wrought an unfortunate reality: She just has too much free time.
“The weekend before school started, I was doing my weekly calendar reorganization, which is usually my favorite pastime,” Griswold said. Her hands wrung nervously as she spoke, both legs restlessly jumping up and down with each syllable. “After putting down my classes — I’m taking 21 units by the way, in case I didn’t already tell you (she did) — and my two internships at the UC Davis Health and Wellness Center and a local tech startup, then adding my hours as a waitress at Sophia’s and of course all my clubs and honor societies I’m part of —”
Unfortunately, at this point in the interview, our tape recorder mysteriously stopped working for the next two hours. We were unable to write down every single detail of Griswold’s extensive schedule, including her specific study time allocations and exactly how much time she allows her boyfriend to kiss her while she studies organic chemistry. Oh no! Too bad!
Fortunately, our recorder miraculously started working again as she finally started telling us about what we originally asked, as it concerns her free time.
“— but anyways, after I got all that in order, I took one final look at my work,” Griswold continued. “That’s when I realized there was this hulking, hour-long gap on Wednesdays from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m. A full hour of time when I have nothing going on. I just don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. It’s just way too much extra time.”
Griswold’s horrendous situation obviously warrants plenty of sympathy from her friends and coworkers.
“Um. Ok, we’re talking about Rebecca Griswold, right?” asked Kat Perkins, Griswold’s manager. “Alright, yeah, so when Rebecca comes into work, she goes into the bathroom and screams about how stressed she is for about 20 minutes. If anyone tries to come in to console her, she yells something like, ‘SERIOUSLY IT’S NO BIG DEAL BUT THE STRUGGLE IS REAL’ until they leave. So. Yeah. I’m going to say that she probably needs the free time more than anyone.”
Written by: Conner Shaw — firstname.lastname@example.org
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)