Elderly Davis couple discovered thief in their home after husband told joke
It was a cold, windy night in Davis when Rick O’Shea Jackson, 81, and his wife Ethel Jackson, 78, reported a truly haunting crime. According to Mr. Jackson, after coming home from a brisk walk with his wife and two dogs, Winnie and le Pooh, they returned to find 23-year-old Jackmerius Tacktheritrix hiding in the warm confines of their estate.
Apparently, the overnight thief entered through the back door of the Jackson home –– because we all know old people can’t lock a door for nothing –– and went to town on their belongings. As Tacktheritrix was finishing up his thievin’, he heard keys jingle and fall about five times before the door opened. As Mr. and Mrs. Jackson drifted to their autumnal-colored velour picture-patterned sofa, Tacktheritrix hid in the nearest room he could find.
It turns out the reason Tacktheritrix was caught and detained by the lovely Davis police was due to a rather lackluster joke from Mr. Jackson.
“My wife and I were watching Fox News cover the latest Florida hurricane when my wife commented on how brave the reporters were for going out there and risking their lives,” Mr. Jackson said. “That’s when I chimed in and said ‘Their job sounds easy peasy to me. Hold my dentures!’”
“All of a sudden we heard an overbearing cackle from upstairs,” Mr. Jackson said. Due to the recent break-ins, the couple wasted no time calling 911.
The police officers arrived and found Tacktheritrix eating one of Mrs. Jackson’s famous weed edibles. He hadn’t moved since hearing Mr. Jackson’s rather lackluster joke.
Tacktheritrix is currently being held on a $2,000 bond at a local holding facility. The Jacksons hope to recover from this horrific event by locking their back doors in the near future.
Written by: Hilary Ojinnaka – email@example.com
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)