The university finally enacts changes students want
Following complaints that the aesthetic of campus buildings does not do enough to honor the blue-collar workforce, UC Davis made a huge announcement this week.
Chancellor Gary May broke the news that the entire campus would adopt a construction-themed aesthetic in order to rectify the absolutely pathetic amount of construction equipment on school grounds.
“There are simply not enough chain-link fences on our campus,” May wrote on his personal Facebook page in a statement announcing the improvements. “When I became chancellor, I made a promise to myself that I would drastically increase the number of bulldozers on this campus, and I simply wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t fulfill that promise. This is who we are.”
Students seemed excited by the news.
“I’m excited by the news,” said Riley Oak, a fourth-year viticulture and enology major and part-time umbrella collector. “Currently only some of our sidewalks are completely unusable due to the construction. I want every single sidewalk on this campus to be blocked off by construction so that we have to walk either on crowded bike paths or dirt. I’m sick of being coddled.”
“We want to create the image that UC Davis is constantly changing and improving,” Chancellor May added. “This new campus design will give students the calming feeling of walking through a campus that is simply never not under construction. Plus, kids go absolutely crazy for neon vests and hard hats. Or at least I do.”
Written by: Brian Landry — email@example.com