Humor: Crafty ideas that’ll trick your loved ones into thinking you are indeed broke

Humor: Crafty ideas that’ll trick your loved ones into thinking you are indeed broke

‘Tis the season to be stingy

So, you’ve got people thinking you’re a walking, talking, credit-free, interest-free, ATM machine? Well, if that’s you crying in the corner, allow me to give you some tips on how to solve this problem.

Rule #1: Speak it into existence, beloved. One of the main reasons you give and spend all your hard-earned money is because you truly believe that you have money to waste. If you were physically broke, you’d think twice about wasting a penny. Waking up every morning and saying “I am broke today” will help you save the coin you actually “don’t” have.

Rule #2: As depressing as this is, socializing is expensive. Learn how to adjust to being that “poor” friend. When you’re around your besties make sure you stress to them that being broke is no picnic. You have to establish a frugal relationship with them so they know not to invite you out to anything that would end up costing over five dollars.

Rule #3: Please, for the love of saving, dress down for all occasions! How can people believe that you are broke if you are walking around with name brands that you have no business wearing? Switch those Jordans for some DC sneakers. Throw out that Gucci belt for some cheap shoe lace. They both get the job done anyways.

Now, you might be thinking these tips are pretty extreme, and I’m here to tell you that they are. A wise woman once said that extreme savings shall soon turn into extreme blessings. So, save up my friends. Christmas is only a couple weeks away, and I know you need a great excuse to disappoint your loved ones.

Written by: Hilary Ojinnaka — hiojinnaka@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)