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Friday, April 19, 2024

Humor: UC Davis Love Lab unveils Shah’s-flavored condoms


Delicious chicken-over-rice flavored contraceptives promote safe sex among students

With STI transmission rates climbing among college students, UC Davis’ Love Lab has taken on the task of promoting safe sex among Aggies. The solution? A partnership with the condom brand Trojan.

“We’ve been trying for months, but we’ve finally conceived the perfect way to get students to use contraceptives,” said Love Lab scientist Richard Dixon. “What do Aggies love even more than cows and bikes? Shah’s chicken-over-rice. We’ve incorporated every ounce of flavor that can be found in that beloved combo meal into one little latex condom. It’s like that scene in ‘Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory’ when Violet chews that stick of gum and can taste a three-course meal. But instead of blueberry pie, you can taste the succulent, Sriracha-drenched chicken and that white sauce that they put a little too much of on the salad.”

If you’re vegan or allergic to latex, the Love Lab will even offer a falafel polyurethane edition to suit your dietary restrictions.

The condoms come in a compostable take-out box, just how Aggies like it. The packaging has the following description on the front: “When it’s getting hot and heavy, wrap it up with your favorite hot and heavy flavor. Spice up your love life, if you’re not too chicken.”

If this business venture proves to be a success, the Love Lab and Trojan plan on expanding their selection to include other Aggie-favorite flavors. CoHo taco salad and bubble tea-flavored condoms are already in development.

“The possibilities are endless,” Dixon said. “We had a great time working with our brand reps from Trojan. As for this project, I am looking forward to wrapping it up and seeing the results!”

Starting next quarter, students can go to the Love Lab or the Wellness To Go vending machine in the ARC to pick up the Trojan: Fire and Rice condom.

Written by: Madeline Kumagai — mskumagai@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)


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