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Monday, April 15, 2024

Everybody may have their different political parties, but everybody hates Tomi Lahren

Everybody Hates Tomi Lahren!

So if you guys haven’t heard, the bold and suburban political commentator and former Fox News host Tomi Lahren emerged from the fiery pits of white privilege to tweet “5 billion spent on a wall will be the BEST $5 billion taxpayers EVER spent!”

After the longest government shutdown in U.S. history, you might be wondering why the republic isn’t more focused on repairing what Cheeto-in-Chief Donald Trump has once again damaged beyond recognition. It seems, however, that everyone has redirected their anger and attention to Tomi Lahren’s furious idiocy.

‘Twas the night after future-politician Cardi B’s popular government shutdown Instagram speech went viral, concerning the thousands of federal employees who are forced to go to work without pay, when Tomi Lahren scrolled through her Twitter feed on her MAGA laptop only to find positive comments about the Bronx rapper’s rant.

Enraged with white rage, Lahren weighed in on the situation by tweeting, “Looks like @iamcardib is the latest genius political mind to endorse the Democrats. HA! Keep it up guys #MAGA2020.” Lahren, whose lack of knowledge is made obnoxiously obvious every time she opens her overused mouth or sends out a tweet, was soon met with a legendary rebuttal.

Cardi “the people’s champ” B hit back with, “Leave me alone I will dog walk you.” She then landed a Tekken-style TKO by tweeting, “You’re so blinded with racism that you don’t even realize the decisions the president you root for is destroying the country you claim to love so much. You are a perfect example on no matter how educated or smart you think you are you still a SHEEP!” If you know who Cardi B is, I hope you read that in her nasally voice for the 4D all-around experience.

The tweets of Chun-Li “the street fighter’s” nemesis alone racked up more than 1.6 million likes, thus showing how people will come together to defeat what they hate most. No, not Donald Trump but Tomi Lahren — that is, the same white lady who admitted to benefiting from Obamacare while in fact slandering Obamacare. The same lady who is anti-black and pro-black, anti-choice and pro-choice, anti-NFL and pro-NFL, even though she can’t tell the difference between a goal and touchdown. Just like her orange father, Lahren says whatever she can come up with to garner retweets and likes.  

Written By: Hilary Ojinnaka- hiojinnaka@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)


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