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Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Humor: A definitive take on the best water fountains at UC Davis

Bringing a new meaning to ‘wet’ campus

As a Davis student, countless factors of student life breach the veil of background noise into coherent, active thought on a daily basis. So, when I say that on-campus water is important to me, you should understand how serious I am.

I have spent countless hours with my lips wrapped around water spigots, streams and fountains for my own personal enjoyment, and my authority on this subject is, as humbly as I can say, unchallenged. Today, I’m bringing this vast knowledge of the public water fountain trade at UC Davis to the layman water-goer.

I evaluate fountains based on their stream arc, water temperature, mouth-feel and general atmosphere on an index of one to ten. Then, I give each fountain a rating of one-to-three Good Year Stars: one star meaning you should travel from another building to get there; two stars, that you should travel across campus to get there; and three stars that a trip across the city of Davis would be appropriate. With that, let me take you on a journey into the water fountain scene at UC Davis.

Storer Hall, first floor

Arc: 8

Temp: 9

Feel: 7

Atmosphere: 6

Tucked away in between two offices in a hallway of Storer Hall is a gem of a fountain with some of the most delectable water to grace my tongue. I stumbled upon this fountain based on a friend’s recommendation, and I must say, it lives up to the hype. What they do with the temperature here is simply stunning. After I left for the first time, my lips would keep sending me wisps of cold that had me craving more. I assure you, I have returned. Stars: 2

Science Lecture Hall

Arc: 6

Temp: 6

Feel: 10

Atmosphere: 7

Although a well-known spot already, the fountain at Sci Lec produces perhaps the smoothest water I have encountered at UC Davis. When the water enters your mouth, try swirling it twice before swallowing and let it wash over your taste buds. Truly, a delight. Stars: 1

Haring Hall, first floor

Arc: 9

Temp: 6

Feel: 8

Atmosphere: 7

Another hidden fountain, down in the corner of the western end of Haring Hall. I stumbled upon this spot after being disappointed with the other prospective fountains in Haring. I was immediately startled by the amount of water that could come from a single fountain, giving the stream a lovely arc and unique mouth-feel that I can only describe with a single word: exquisite. Stars: 2

The Grove

Arc: 8

Temp: 7

Feel: 6

Atmosphere: 7

There’s a reason why The Grove is named separately from the other Surge facilities, and it’s not the ground traffic. I walked into The Grove expecting just another overblown operation, and although the mouth-feel fails to reach the bars others set, I was pleasantly surprised. Easy to find, pleasing to watch and overall a wonderful place to enjoy your water. Stars: 1

Sprocket Hall, second floor

Arc: 8

Temp: 10

Feel: 8

Atmosphere: 9

This one was an exception amongst the other sub-par spots along the bike path to The ARC. When I discovered this fountain, I felt as though my mouth had transcended into Poseidon’s realm, with chilled mermaid kisses and waves of crashing water upon my throat. Any time I’m passing by campus, I take the opportunity to relive my enlightenment. Yes, it’s just that good. Stars: 3

Music Building, second floor

Arc: 9

Temp: 10

Feel: 9

Atmosphere: 10

We all remember our firsts. First love, first job, first kill. My first water fountain at Davis just happened to be the best fountain on campus. Nothing can compare to that first sip, which I have yet to replicate at any other fountain. Along with the sounds of struggling musicians practicing in the background lulling you into a trance of continuous drinking, this is far and away the best fountain on campus (so nice I had to say it twice). Stars: 3

Written by: Conner Shaw — cjshaw@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)


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