Photo Credits: TESSA KOGA / AGGIE
Superheros are all the rage these days. It’s understandable why they’re so popular. Companies like DC and Marvel make great stories and awesome superpowers for their heroes in tights and capes. I mean, what kid DOESN’T want to be Batman? He has the coolest superpower: being rich and owning thangs!
To hop on the hero hype train, UC Davis partnered with Marvel to create a new UCD-themed comic book. Why not DC, you ask? DC has superior storytelling in its comics, you say? Too bad! Having ‘Marvel’ in the headline is probably gonna get this article more #views.
If you’ve had enough of my wall-breaking, then get ready to meet the characters of the new comic book series “Agents of Shields Library.”
Meet the brains of the group: Dr. Peter Aitchdee, Ph.D. Aitchdee got his doctorate through the UCD mechanical and aerospace engineering graduate program. He’s as smart as Iron Man but definitely not as rich (Ph.D salaries, amirite?). Aitchdee uses his knowledge to build his fellow agents cool gadgets. Fun fact: He was originally a design major.
Up next in our lineup is the brawn. Na na na na na na, it’s FRATMAN! Meet Fratman, current UCD third-year and president of Delta Iota Kappa Fraternity. His Christian name is Chad Bradley Fratterson III, but most people refer to him as “the guy who hogs the weights at the ARC.” Fratman has always been jacked, but he became super jacked after falling into a toxic vat of jungle juice at a party. He can crush boulders with his bare hands and lift cars using the strength of a hundred pledges. Fratman can also spit poisonous loogies to stun his enemies. Talk about toxic masculinity!
This group of agents sounds like a real sausage fest so far. But fear not! Just like the Avengers and the Justice League, we also have a token female member. This character was one of the hardest of the bunch to design. Squirrel Girl is already a Marvel superhero, and a female cow-themed hero sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen. Instead, meet Miss Guider. She’s a tour guide who can move as fast as the Flash, but backwards. She’s ambitious, light on her feet and here to give Wonder Woman a run for her money as a feminist icon.
Every group needs a chaotic good, moral compass. Preacherman fills that role and is honestly the most powerful of the group. This dude’s got the power of God and anime on his side. And he even has a cute dog.
No super squad is complete without a great leader. (It’s Gary May. Duh.)
Watch this team battle the Sac State Hornets and bad PR in the latest issue — out on stands now!
Written by: Madeline Kumagai — firstname.lastname@example.org
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)