Here comes the bridle!
Mazel tov! Gunrock, everyone’s favorite cobalt colt, popped the question to his longtime girlfriend, Rainbow Dash, this past weekend. Miss Dash, for those who are unfamiliar, is the star of “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic,” a popular TV show for young children and men who live in their parents’ basements.
“I’m lucky to have her,” Gunrock said. “I met her when I was at a low point in my life. This beautiful cerulean filly with a rainbow tramp stamp came up to me and said, ‘You look blue.’ And that was the beginning of a wonderful relationship.”
“For the proposal, I took her to a romantic dinner at our favorite restaurant: Golden Corral,” he neighed. “I got down on one knee — which is hard to do as a horse. We’re all knee.” He chuckled. “I pulled out a two-carrot engagement ring. She thought it was delicious!”
“What’d she say, in regards to your proposal?” I asked.
Gunrock grinned. “She said ‘neigh.’”
“Nay? She said no?”
“No, she said ‘neigh.’ ‘Neigh’ is Horse-ish for ‘yes.’ Anyway, Rainbow Dash and I have been having a blast planning our nuptials. We’ve got the venue picked already. Our reception will be at the Buehler Alumni Center on campus. It’s gorgeous, and it has all the amenities needed for our wedding. Aaaaannnnnd we’re also getting our reception comped if we give them a shoutout in this interview. Gotta save that Aggie Cash, amirite? People kept asking us if we were going to have our reception at the equestrian center. Ugh, that place is a dump. Do I look like I was raised in a barn?”
“Where are you having the ceremony?”
Gunrock exhaled. “That was a little trickier to decide. You see, Rainbow Dash and I don’t practice the same religion. Our parents were concerned that we were gonna be unequally yoked. But we’re young, and we’re in love. We’re having a non-denominational ceremony in Davis.”
“Our family and friends will all be there,” he continued. “I’ve invited my mom, my dad and my sister, Pistolpebble. I’ve also invited Chancellor Gary May and the whole football team because AGGIE PRIDE! Rainbow Dash has invited her family, her cast members from the set of ‘My Little Pony,’ Bojack Horseman and Trolley Boy, who played Secretariat in the movie. After the reception, we’re leaving for our honeymoon in the U.K.. We’re going on a tour of the locations where ‘War Horse’ was filmed!” Tears welled up in his eyes, and his words became garbled. “Ughhh, I juust cannn’t-”
“Mr. Gunrock? Are you okay? You’re sounding choked up.”
“I just can’t wait to marry her. Sorry, I’m just a little hoarse, that’s all.”
Written by: Madeline Kumagai — email@example.com
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)