80.5 F

Davis, California

Saturday, April 20, 2024

Humor: HBO to auction off opportunity to rewrite Game of Thrones Season 8

Will this finally appease the fans?


Dear Game of Thrones fans,

David Benioff and D.B. Weiss here. Obviously, neither us nor HBO have any intention whatsoever of remaking Season 8, but we hope we grabbed your attention with that headline. There’s no need for us to remake something that’s perfect. Unfortunately, the perfection and genius of Season 8 has been lost on many of you and your inferior intellects, so we thought we’d take the time to explain ourselves here in a way that all of you can understand.

One important thing to remember is that much of the season revolves around the concepts of memory and forgetfulness. A classic example of this occurs during the much-discussed scene when Dany kinda forgot about the Iron Fleet. The fact that she kinda forgot about the Iron Fleet, while they certainly didn’t forget about her, is a stark illustration of the dichotomy between remembering and forgetting, which also cleverly invokes the word “Stark.”

Since this is a fantasy show, after all, we realized while writing this final season how important it would be to be able to rely on the power of the imagination. No, not our imagination — yours. You, the fans! Your imagination provides us with a genius way to account for all of the times when we kinda forgot about establishing logical character development, character motivations, character arcs and plot twists. You see, we instead leave a lot of this to you. Additionally, our forgetfulness and haste when writing also demonstrates that, like Dany, we are flawed too. So, you can’t hate us and love her.

“Where is the supposed ‘missing piece’ scene that shows how and why Dany would become willing to engage in mass genocide?” you may ask. “Why does the Night King matter and what does he want?” you may ask. We purposefully forgot to show these scenes because we want to leave things like that up to you, the viewer, and your unique imagination. We hoped that by bringing this element of fan fiction to the show — allowing people to simply imagine and invent their own exposition scenes — our bare bones final product would be able to satisfy everyone since it would be up to you to fill in the pieces. We hoped that this would be a fun and interactive experience for the audience.

Anyway, we’d like to apologize for overestimating the intellectual capacity of our audience. We very easily could have written a conclusion that would have been very bad and poorly planned with full confidence that you all would have had the rudimentary levels of intelligence to understand it. Instead, we shot for the stars, making the ending of the show far too brilliant for most of you to appreciate. But, we’ve learned our lesson, and we’ll be sure to dumb things down when we make our Star Wars Trilogy. To subverting expectations!

Sincerely and F**k you,

Dan & Dave

Written by: Benjamin Porter — bbporter@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here