Humor: This Article is Redacted

Humor: This Article is Redacted

Photo Credits: JAMIE CHEN / AGGIE

Providing humorous insight on ██████████

This article is intended to be hilarious. Unfortunately, many of the jokes, jests, jeers, japes, quips, gags, parodies, pranks, puns, ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ clever turns of phrase and witty comparisons in this article contain sensitive information pertaining to other absolutely hilarious humor and satire of mine that is currently in development. In order to avoid compromising future jokes or prematurely spoiling their punchlines, much of this article has been redacted. I apologize for the inconvenience.

The ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ simply because he was bald. ████████████████████████ and providing yet another example of how removing neck tattoos can go horribly wrong.

████████████████████████, but after the incident with the raccoons, he finally caved and bought a new bicycle. ████████████████████████████████████████████████ and they had been following him around the block. If only he hadn’t been doing a handstand at the time. ████████████████████████████████████ a $5000 reward, which seemed excessive for a ████████████ like that.

████████████████████████, which was obviously a very bad sequence of events, especially at a crematorium.

█████████████████, where there was a pudgy old man with food in his beard. He achieved ████████ in spiritual puppet shows, imparting bible lessons from generation to generation, and they ████████████████████, just as Jesus would have wanted. █████████, one of the brains behind █████, wrote a series of essays on derivative humor, but it was just a bunch of random math jokes. No one expected that being only semi-meme-literate would be an advantage in a situation of such █████████████████████████. ███████████████, which was one of several bizarre things discovered by the mysterious Amish “computer hacker.”

Meanwhile, ████████████████████, calling herself an “influencer.” █████████████████████ but in the end, it was the heavy backpack full of spare Hydro Flask parts and accessories that caused her to lose her balance and █████████████, ruining what would have been an Instagram-quality selfie at the top of the cliff. Unfortunately, but to nobody’s surprise, ███████████████████████,“███████████████ and it’s not wrong at all because we’re all good Christians here,” Matt said.

“No, ██████████, so please pass the ketchup!” replied God.

Written by: Benjamin Porter— bbporter@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)