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Monday, May 27, 2024

Humor: Students begin sliding into DMs via Canvas

What if I left you a winky face underneath your Discussion post? Haha just kidding… unless?

Facebook messenger? Outdated. Instagram DMs? Predictable. Tinder? Yuck! Canvas, fellow romantics and newly singles, is the new hot spot for finding love (as well as your class assignments and posted lecture slides) in the rather lonely and fleeting world of UC Davis. Yes, you heard right, you can be checking your grades by day and swinging hot dates by night. And with cuffing season just around the corner, why not shoot your shot on the very platform that shoots you and your GPA down with each passing quarter?

As many already know, Canvas is a useful platform used by students to view assignments, cry over their grades and contact their professors with questions. Conveniently, there is also the option to message other students in your class to collaborate on assignments or share lecture notes, among other things. Recently, this feature has blurred the lines between classmates and more than classmates by serving as a medium for students to exchange flirtatious messages.

Second-year philosophy major Rachel Chair tells us she got engaged to a classmate after only three weeks of messaging him on Canvas. “Our professor had us submit a discussion post on a reading and at least three people had to reply to it and well… let’s just say the rest is history!” Chair made a note to flex her engagement ring multiple times throughout the interview.

 Her fiance, Michael Candor, said he never thought he would find love this way. “Yeah, I just replied with something along the lines of ‘I agree with your interpretation of Plato’s ‘Republic,’ blah blah blah, cool metaphor, blah blah blah, great work!’ To be honest, I don’t know what she was saying, but I just needed to pass that class, man.”

Like Chair and Candor, many students have been deleting Tinder, choosing to dive into the dating pool of Canvas by uploading profile pictures, changing their bios and utilizing the chat tab.

“You know when Canvas hits you with that, ‘Your instructor has released grade changes for Midterm 2’ and your heart just stops? That’s the same feeling I got when Michael would email me…” 

Written by: Julietta Bisharyan — jsbisharyan@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)


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