Gunrock, but he’s your DD
As some may recall, Tipsy Taxi was deemed #canceled during a Senate meeting earlier this year in a bloody nine-to-one vote. Like Safe Ride, the ASUCD service provided free rides to partygoers and the like during late hours all across Davis. Unfortunately, due to the Senate’s budget deficit, Tipsy Taxi had to hit the brakes.
Since the incident, many students have had to pinch pennies for rides home after a night on the cowtown. Luckily, a fairy godmother has appeared.
On Monday afternoon, ASUCD President Dylan Hausman announced that Tipsy Taxi would be replaced by the new and improved service, “Hammered Horsie.” Instead of sending Unitrans vans to each door, students will be getting home by way of horse-drawn carriage driven by Gunrock himself. With tight budgets and gas prices on the rise, ASUCD decided it would be more cost-efficient (and school-spirited) to borrow horses from the UC Davis equestrian center.
Second-year animal science major and horse girl Nicole Drella said she is ecstatic about Hammered Horsie.
“After Tipsy Taxi was axed, I was soo worried about how I was going to get home after an Epsilon Sigma Kappa party. Does the university really think I’m going to pay seven dollars for an oovoo javer?” When we asked her to clarify, she pointed at the Uber app on her phone.
Other students have applauded the sustainability of the new service and UC Davis’ efforts in reducing its carbon footprint.
“I’m just wondering how the university didn’t think of this sooner. I mean, what else are the horses here for?” said fifth-year student Josh Bell.
Unlike Tipsy Taxi, which was accessible through the Tapride app or by phone call, Hammered Horsie requires prospective passengers to whistle for their carriage to arrive.
As for hours of service, Hammered Horsie only runs from 8 p.m. until midnight, as opposed to Tipsy Taxi’s 2 a.m. cut-off. When questioned about the early close, Hausman said, “it felt appropriate.”
“You know how in Cinderella the carriage turns into a pumpkin at midnight?” he stifled a giggle. “We thought it was a cute touch.”
Written by: Julietta Bisharyan — email@example.com
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)