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Friday, April 19, 2024

Humor: Student asks professor to round grade from 67% to 90%, it doesn’t work

Close your eyes and imagine this: You receive the startling notification that your final has been graded and posted on Canvas. 

As expected, you hardly managed to scrape by with 71%, curved. Your A- that was hanging on by a thread has now dropped to a devastating B+. Your GPA is quaking. Life sucks. You audaciously email your professor and hit him with that, “Round it, pwease?” email that he knows all too well. He miraculously complies. You now have a 90% again. Life is good.

Now open your eyes. You’re actually failing and no curve or percentage bump is going to save you. And if that wasn’t bad enough, your study buddy wants to see other people. But that’s beside the point. In short, it’s nice to dream every once in a while, isn’t it?

Last week, fifth-year Rob Cabot decided he wasn’t going to throw away his shot. Unflinchingly, he asked his professor to bump his 67% to a 90% — a bold move indeed.

Earlier this month, Cabot had plans to graduate at the end of Fall Quarter. The only thing stopping him was his lower-division communications class, which unexpectedly presented a challenge. His advisor suggested that he enroll for Winter Quarter, perhaps even Spring Quarter as well, but Cabot was determined to graduate.

When questioned as to why a 90% instead of a more reasonable 70% round up, Cabot said that it just wasn’t enough.

“Go big or go home, right? Plus John will see that I’m a dreamer and knowing him, he just might respect that.” 

Shockingly, John Obie, Cabot’s communications professor, declined the request and even lowered his grade after factoring in a couple of missed assignments. 

“First of all, I’d like to clarify that I go by Professor Obie. John is reserved for close friends and family. Second of all, no.”

When asked to elaborate on his answer, Obie threw his hands in the air and furiously responded, “What do you think?”

Due to Professor Obie’s noncompliance, Cabot will, unfortunately, need to retake the class next quarter in order to graduate in the winter.

“I guess I just thought John was different, you know?” Obie said, shaking his head. He mumbled something to himself before standing up and leaving. As he walked off we couldn’t help but admire his valor. We wish him luck in his future endeavors.

Written by: Julietta Bisharyan — jsbisharyan@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)


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