A new nickname for your favorite man
Brunch with the girls last Saturday proved to be riveting. As we drank our oat milk lattes, my friend Clara was gushing about her boyfriend Ben and let slip that she likes to call him “daddy” in and out of the bedroom…or should I say playtime? The admission raised some eyebrows, although the general consensus was that it was perfectly normal for her to give her boyfriend this paternal title.
Stacy had a few concerns though. “Isn’t it a little weird? I mean, he was your TA and he’s, like, thirty.”
Eyes turned to me. I had been quiet during this discussion, and I’m usually the first to share my opinions. What did I think? Well, let me tell you.
This recent trend of calling one’s male sexual partner “daddy” is not disgusting in how it recalls familial relations in the bedroom. Rather, it is tragically sad in how far it misses the mark. What even constitutes a dad? Not the boring, biological answer — but what are the narratives surrounding the idea of a “dad?” Generous use of puns, “Favorite Dad” Hallmark mugs and an odd obsession with barbequing? Bo-ring.
Well then, what are we to do if we want to be a bit hereditarily hedonistic? How can we rev our engines?
My answer: your uncle.
Our fathers constitute half of our DNA — they are, literally, a part of us. Where is the mystery in that?
Our uncles only share 25% of our DNA, so there’s that hint of familiarity needed to get us going but just enough mystery to keep us wondering: just what is in that 75%?
Let’s face it: uncles are hot. They are nasty in khakis and vacation in the Florida Keys. Perhaps they own a Harley Davidson baseball cap if they are more of the “bad boy” type and wear socks and sandals in order to challenge fashion rules. We all want to be our “cool aunts” who drink too much wine at Happy Hour and let us watch HBO when we should be in bed. Well, when we roleplay with our men, we can be!
I am not shaming you, daddy devotees. I won’t call you sad or sick or sexually disturbed.
Whoops! I just did, though. Seriously, you guys, it’s time to get with the times — and they are a-changing.
Try it. Let me know how it goes.
Written by: Kelsey Stewart — firstname.lastname@example.org
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)