Photo Credits: RABIDA / AGGIE
It must be said.
Disclaimer: Before you disagree or get upset, I have, like, really incredible taste in music. Also, I took a class called âIntro To World Musicâ so, yeahâŠ I know what Iâm talking about. Plus my Glee playlist has 12 followers.
âForget You (Glee Cast Version)â vs. âForget Youâ by CeeLo Green
Am I saying Gwyneth Paltrow is a better musical artist than CeeLo Green? No. Does she absolutely body âForget Youâ? Yes! We learn that Paltrow is a triple threat (acting, singing, dancing) seconds into her performance as Holly Holiday, the Spanish teacher who liberates the Glee Club from the chokehold of Mr. Schue. The original âForget Youâ is a beloved classic, but it does not have Santana Lopez belting over the last few notes â which, honestly, is enough to make any song better than the original. Also, Paltrow won an Emmy for her performance soâŠ Iâm sorry, but maybe when CeeLo gets his Emmy, we can talk. It is very subtle, but if you really understand music and the lyrics, you undertand that Paltrow is singing from a feminist standpoint by switching to he/him pronouns (queen behavior).
Winner: Glee Cast
âDonât Rain On My Parade (Glee Cast Version)â vs âDonât Rain On My Paradeâ performed by Barbra Streisand
I’m sorry, but Ms. Streisand was just not hitting those notes like Rachel Berry! The original is retro, I suppose, but itâs honestly kind of hard to listen to Streisandâs version because the Glee Cast version is burned into my brain. It is a heightened, emotional experience. The stakes are high (sectionals), the outfits are to die for (big red bow on the back) and Rachel is giving it her all. When she sings âIâll march my band outâ and the rest of the Glee club walks out? Yeah, thatâs history. They’re gonna teach that in schools. In the end, both #Jewishgirlsslay.
Winner: I mean, twist my arm…Glee Cast
Any Cover Sung by Will Schuester vs. The Original Song
By now, everyone knows Will Schuester is a freak who should not be allowed near children, but I don’t think we, as a generation, bully him enough for his musical flaws. He has the unique ability to make every song bad and every scene boring. His performances instill debilitating physical discomfort in viewers forced to watch him strain his voice to a Journey song while writhing on the floor. His disgusting rendition of âGold Diggerâ should have been banned from national television and made me stop liking music for a while. Will Schuester, trust you will be dealt with.
Winner: Nobody. We all lose when Will Schuester is allowed to perform. #lockhimup
âThe Rocky Horror Glee Showâ vs âThe Rocky Horror Picture Showâ (Soundtrack)
The first time I watched âThe Rocky Horror Picture Showâ was jarring. I expected the fun songs I knew from Glee, but instead I was met with terrible voices and an incomprehensible plot. Now, I know the girlies who went to the midnight showings every Saturday are going to be mad, but hats off to Glee for taking only the good parts, because that movie is a mess. That said, every song on the Glee album is an incredible serve. âDamn it, Janetâ is the best song Finn has ever performed; we get to hear Kurtâs weird little voice singing nonsense on âScience Fiction Double Featureâ and âTime Warpâ creates instant euphoria. It really is musically better in every possible way.
Winner: Glee Cast
âGirls Just Wanna Have Fun (Glee Cast Version)â vs âGirls Just Wanna Have Funâ by Cyndi Lauper
This cover is a disgusting travesty. It’s like Ryan Murphy was given a direct order to completely butcher Lauper’s version beyond salvation. The original is something fun for the girls to get ready and party to. The Glee version is Finn (a man) singing a slowed, acoustic ballad rendition to Santana after outing her to the whole school. If the musical aspect werenât enough, the presentation of homophobic beast Finn as a hero is. Quite possibly the worst Glee cover of all time. Definitely in the top five at least.
Winner: Cyndi Lauper
âPoker Face (Glee Cast Version)â vs âPoker Faceâ by Lady Gaga
Itâs hard to compare anything to the cultural revolution that is âPoker Face.â Glee knew this and switched it up. Unlike âGirls Just Wanna Have Fun,â the rearranging of âPoker Faceâ makes the original almost unrecognizable but keeps the good parts. In the show, it is a mother-daughter duet, which is great because they are both amazing singers but also because it makes you really contemplate how two non-blood related women can share one bone structure. It may take six to 12 listens to enjoy, but once it clicks, whew! True musical rebirth.
Honorable Mentions for the Glee Cast: Any Madonna song, âSurvivor/I Will Survive,â âBust Your Windows,â âDonât You Want Me,â all songs performed by the Warblers, âRun Joey Run,â âLandslide,â âThriller/Heads Will Roll,â âEdge of Glory,â âValerie,â âIâm Still Standingâ (which, way better than Elton John, but not better than the âSingâ (2016) version) and âBlame It on the Alcohol.â
Honorable Mentions for the Original Artists: None. Two-hundred and seven Glee songs charted on The Billboard Hot 100. Take notes.
Written by: Livvy Mullen â email@example.com