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Monday, October 18, 2021

Ted Cruz’s summer/winter/fall/spring vacation plans

Vacation whenever the moment strikes (Texas hard)

Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) is going to Israel! On May 15, Cruz made comments criticizing President Joe Biden’s decisions about the violence in Israel and promised to visit in the coming days. The senator’s office has not given a concrete schedule to the press due to security reasons. 

    Recently, the humor section has obtained leaked information about the specific timeframe for the senator’s trip to Israel. The visit is set for any date in the future, under the stipulation that Texas is being hit hard by a natural disaster.

    When asked for further comment on this, Cruz responded by saying, “While any time is a good time to visit another country in order to show unwavering loyalty and support to a foreign government, the best time to do so is when your home state is being bludgeoned by an act of God.”

The senator also wanted to make sure that this was all his daughter’s idea. “She really cares about Zionism, Hamas and Israel’s ‘right to defend itself’ but only during a time when Texas is under horrible duress,” Cruz said. “I’ll be thinking about the people of Texas throughout my entire first-class trip, but I have to be a good dad.”

    So rain (and flooding causing death and destruction throughout Texas) or shine (and a massive heatwave) or demon spawn razing the Lone Star State, Ted Cruz will be on the first plane to Israel ready to show his support for Bibi. 

Written By: Ean Kimura — etkimura@ucdavis.edu

Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and/or names of “sources” are fictionalized.)

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