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Thursday, October 21, 2021

World Health Organization announces new diagnosis: Anxiety caused by fun fact icebreakers

Meditation and tea aren’t even enough to ease this one

Local Rite Aids are running out of medication. Therapists are booked for weeks in advance and semi-questionable CBD gummies are sitting on everyone’s bedside tables — all because of the World Health Organization’s (WHO) recent announcement of a new medical diagnosis: A.C.B.F.F.I., or Anxiety Caused by Fun Fact Ice Breakers. 

In a press release on Sept. 22, WHO representatives said sweaty palms, heart palpitations and loss of sleep are all directly correlated with the incorporation of fun fact icebreakers into one’s daily life. Both the pressure of public speaking and the desire to appear “cool” is all too much for today’s youth. 

The founding fathers never had to share what they would want to eat on a desert island with one another. Nor did Mark Zuckerberg ask his interns to share their summer plans. So why am I required to tell a group of strangers a fun fact about me in my GEL 10 discussion? 

In an effort to gain a better understanding of the psychological hardships caused by icebreakers, the WHO representatives met with students at a local university. While they were met with a lot of tears, they were also met with one particularly frustrated student: “playing fun fact ice breakers is like if you asked a bunch of saltine crackers to do improv. Nothing interesting comes out of it. You get a lot of ‘I have two dogs’ and ‘I’m double jointed.’”

Seeing the anxiety and frustration these icebreakers cause students, the WHO suggested some alternative ways to bond with random students in your classes.

  1. The Lame Fun Fact Game: Everyone in the room says a lame fun fact about themselves…oh wait.
  2. Twister with ketchup and mustard: There’s nothing like learning each other’s names while cleaning dried ketchup out of your ears.
  3. Deep analysis of your professor: There’s no better way to bond than to form a common enemy (Victim 1: The Professor).

Jokes aside, take care of yourself during these difficult times. Fun fact ice breakers can really do a number on you. 

Written by: Kate Harges — kateharges@ucdavis.edu

Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and it’s content is purely fictional. The story and/or names of “sources” are fictionalized.)

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