A definitive ranking of all the eggheads based on how bad of nightmares they induce
By MALCOLM LANGE —- firstname.lastname@example.org
Everyone at Davis has heard of the famous eggheads. These Davis landmarks are spread throughout the East side of the UC Davis campus. Each egghead is special and expresses a fun and unique character. These sculptures were created by late UC Davis professor of ceramics Robert Arneson, with the first installment in 1991 and the last in 2009. They are widely accepted as a quirky representation of the university; the town of Davis has also embraced them with their love for unconventional public art.
However, as much as they are received with positive attitudes from faculty, students and residents, there are specific egghead designs that I question more than others. To get to the bottom of these strange statues, I will go through each egghead and rank how nightmare-inducing it is on a scale of one (not being scary at all) to ten (even Freddy Krueger has nightmares of this).
The least scary egghead, with a ranking of one, is Bookhead. Bookhead is the lovable little egg that stands guard at the entrance to Shields Library. Bookhead ranks this low in scariness because there is no apparent oddity about him. He has a neutral and relaxed expression. There is a sense of comradery that most UC Davis students feel with him — always being stuck at the library. Bookhead is also a part of a superstition where students will rub their head for good luck on a test. How could anyone be terrified of a studious egg who helps you on a midterm or final?
Next on my list is Stargazer. Stargazer ranks three on the scare-o-meter for his lack of malicious oddities. Similar to Bookhead, there is nothing too obscure about this egghead. His most prominent features are his swirling eyes and uncomfortable smirk. Even with these less-than-normal features, there is nothing inherently evil about this egghead. There is no danger when looking into Stargazer’s ceramic, swirly eyes. He also seems to be having a good time. I mean, who does not like looking up at the stars every once in a while? Some would even go as far as to call Stargazer “a vibe.”
Now we start to get to the eggheads that truly intrude on my slumber. One of the duo eggheads ranks next with a six. It is the Yin and Yang, near the art, music and theater complex. These eggheads feature one lying on its side, looking thoroughly unamused, and the other upright with its eyes closed, yelling at the first with an angry expression. The one on its side does nothing for me; he is normal. If I ranked that one by itself, he would have a relatively low score. However, it is the angry, screaming one that brings up a sense of panic. He definitely is the most aggressive out of all the eggheads. If you were to bump into him, I would expect him to turn around and start yelling at you. He is not having a good time and definitely needs to take a chill pill.
The runner-up for scariest egghead is See No Evil and Hear No Evil. These eggheads were moved right near King Hall, UC Davis’ law school. Both eggheads have no ears and are looking across at each other with warped faces. One eye is closed and the other open but with an uncomfortable slit for the pupil. Their eyes are not proportional to each other, and the closed eye drags down slightly. They are speaking out of the corners of their mouths, which gives them an odd shape. It truly looks like they were left in the sun a little too long and melted a bit. This gives them an eight on the scare-o-meter.
Finally, the scariest egghead, Eye on Mrak. This egghead is upside down and squashed into the concrete, flattening the head. He is wrinkly and looks as if his forehead is slightly deflated as a result of being slammed into the ground. He has closed eyes and a huge smile showcasing his pearly whites. While he has the biggest smile out of the other eggheads, seeing his teeth for some reason is very uncomfortable. He also has the weirdest feature, which is an eye on the back of his head to symbolize that the chancellor is always being watched by the students, as it was pointed at the chancellor’s office. However, the chancellor’s office has been moved, so he is creepy with no extra meaning attached. Eye on Mrak receives a whopping 11 on the scare-o-meter for genuinely being a nightmare to bike past every week.
Written by: MALCOLM LANGE — email@example.com
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