Somebody get Gunrock a tote and some lemonade
By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu
Day after day… week after week… year after year, Gunrock has repped and cheered for UC Davis athletics. Gunrock, the strong and muscular stallion, is the UC Davis symbol of power and athleticism. People always say, “How do you do it, Gunrock?” But no one ever asks, “How are you, Gunrock?”
Well, if you had even bothered to ask, you would know that it’s difficult for Gunrock to be so strong and masculine all the time. Upholding that image for one of the top public universities is a lot of pressure. Gunrock sees all the girlies coming into the football games with their UCD crop tops, bucket hats and — oh my gosh — the tote bags. Gunrock yearns for a tote bag.
One day, Gunrock got a post notification for a resident hall tote bag painting activity. (Of course, Gunrock has post notifications on). When Gunrock arrived at the event, all the first-years gathered around to take pictures. Fame isn’t easy. Once everyone got a picture, Gunrock made sure to have them tag @ucdavisaggies before trotting over to an empty seat on the table.
“Gunrock! You’re going to make a tote bag?!” one first-year questioned.
Gunrock ignored this silly question and made a mental note to check how this first-year even got admitted in the first place. After a couple of hours of hard work, his tote bag was a mess. It took a lot of willpower to hold in the emotions. Painting is hard with hooves. Gunrock grabbed the tote and stormed off to go throw it away in the trash. The event was made sadder by the realization that the tote bag wasn’t compostable, despite Gunrock’s wishes. This is supposed to be the most sustainable campus, after all.
An empathetic first-year saw the frustration through all the manliness and strength and approached Gunrock holding her official Davis Farmer’s Market tote bag with the little watermelon on the front. “Here you go, Gunrock,” she said.
Tears welled in Gunrock’s eyes, but Gunrock shoved those emotions aside to envelop the kind first-year into a big hug. Her friend took a pic of the hug, so Gunrock made sure to get tagged in the photo. As Gunrock was leaving with a new tote bag in hand, the first-year asked, “Are you going to the farmers market this Saturday?”
Gunrock thought about it for a moment and ultimately decided on “Yes.”
That Saturday, Gunrock attended the Davis Farmers Market for the first time, tote bag on his shoulder. For the first time, Gunrock wasn’t afraid of all of the obligations and responsibilities. Gunrock collected a bunch of vegetables and fruit and even got a chocolate croissant to snack on during his trot home. It was a magical day being a tote girly.
However, Gunrock also decided that day that the tote bag life wasn’t as expected. The tote was so aggravating! It kept falling off of Gunrock’s shoulder since it was so furry. The official statement made by Gunrock’s team was, “Tote girlies are better than me because I can’t deal with all of that.”
Written by: Allison Keleher — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu
Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)
