This tipping thing is getting out of hand
By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu
The other night, I decided to study late at the Teaching and Learning Complex (TLC) for my upcoming midterms. As I was studying, the material became so unbelievably boring that I nodded off and later woke up in a pile of drool on top of my computer. I wiped up the drool from my chin and my keyboard with my sleeve. I slept so well so I didn’t really mind the cleanup, but then I checked the time. It was 11:38 p.m. and I missed my bus home.
I began debating where I should sleep for the night. Camping out in the TLC didn’t seem like a great idea. I thought about crashing with my friend who’s a CA in the dorms, but the last time I went to her room I accidentally walked in on her disciplining a freshman. I felt super bad about that. But they had it coming because they stole her umbrella.
I thought about taking an Uber home but that seemed like a waste of my hard-earned money. I prefer to spend my money on important things like Bitcoin and G Fuel. Then I remembered that UC Davis has a free Uber service — Safe Ride. What an amazing service that my tuition pays for. UC Davis is very serious about making sure that Aggies are snug as a bug in their beds at night. So I called one up.
I watched as the van pulled up next to the TLC and I approached carefully — you cannot be too safe when it comes to white vans. I was greeted by the driver with a wide smile and a greeting.
“Hello! How are you doing tonight?” he said happily.
“Good.” I was slightly confused because my driver was acting very hyper. What was even more weird is he handed me the aux cord and told me to play whatever I wanted. I chose to play some classical music to set the mood on my way home. I also wanted to calm down my driver because he was too happy for me at that moment. Sadly, that didn’t work because he talked to me about classical music the whole way home.
My driver then pulled out a giant basket with a bunch of snacks and drinks to choose from — he said they were complimentary for the ride. I felt very spoiled by the time we arrived at my apartment and as I was about to exit the van he turned his iPad around and said, “So this is just going to ask you a couple of questions.”
I couldn’t believe it. He was asking for a tip for a free service. The only options were $2, $5 and $8. As I was about to pick $2, I noticed a very small button at the bottom that said “Custom.” I clicked on that and then chose $0. Afterwards, I collected my backpack quickly to get out as fast as possible before he could find out I picked no tip.
“Really! You chose custom?” he exclaimed angrily at me as I was fleeing the van. “You’re weird, and you have terrible music taste!”
That comment stung a little bit. In retaliation, I slammed the van door shut and stormed away from the Safe Ride. The driver screeched away from my apartment, and I swear he left skid marks.
Overall though, I would give the Safe Ride service four stars because I got home safe, and I had a bag of Nerd Gummy Clusters from my driver.
Written by: Allison Keleher — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu
Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)
