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Davis, California

Monday, June 10, 2024

The P and Q bus lines are the high-achieving power couple

They are better than us, I fear


By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu 


The P and Q are fourth-year undergraduate buses, each with a double major, a part-time job and no signs of burnout. If they make you feel unworthy of your spot here at UC Davis, join the club. Even other bus lines are jealous of them. 

“They’re going places that I could only dream of!” an anonymous bus line exclaimed.

From the outside, it seems like the P and Q have their lives together. However, a rift is beginning to form. 

The P is a pre-med student double majoring in biotechnology and communications. She already has several acceptances to medical schools, and now her biggest concern is just which one to pick. When she’s not worrying about her bright future, the P can be found at her part-time job at the Silo Peet’s where she runs those shifts like it’s the military. Everyone is getting their coffee when the P is working. 

“I saw her yell at her coworker when they forgot my latte had oat milk,” one bystander reported.

On the other hand, the Q is a managerial economics and computer science double major. He is pursuing an MBA after graduating and is thrilled about his acceptance to the UCLA program. The Q dreams of making it on Wall Street by exploiting anyone in his way. He’s had some practice with this already when he was elected president of his frat by exposing another brother’s criminal behavior. Outside of his presidency, the Q is a barber in his free time and runs this business on the front lawn of his frat. 

The P and Q met at a frat party in their first year here at UC Davis, and it was strangely a quick match. I like to think they bonded over their shared love for being better than everyone else. Their ambition has carried them through their undergraduate years here, and they have supported each other through their difficult times. 

However, lately the Q has had much less time to spend with the P. He says he has too many networking events to attend — not that the P minds because that gives her more time to log hours in her professor’s lab. The P and Q will always prioritize their education and career over each other. 

It’s tragic, really. They are the perfect couple on so many levels, but their aspirations are driving them apart. I guess you could say that they are going in different directions.


Written by: Allison Keleher — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu 


Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)


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