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Davis, California

Friday, May 24, 2024

Gary May should ditch the alumni sponsors and hop on TikTok Live

I have a lot of great fundraising ideas


By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu 


My tuition goes up every year, and yet this school is still supposedly short on money. Remember when Sunset Fest got canceled due to lack of funds? It’s time to act, Aggies. If we’re going to get our money up, we need to think creatively. 


I’ve had a couple of ideas including, but not limited to:

  1. Renting Gunrock out for birthday parties
  2. Hosting a year-round petting zoo with the cows 
  3. Event to pie professors in the Memorial Union (You know which ones)


However, I must say my most promising idea is to get Chancellor Gary May onto TikTok Live. I’ve seen plenty of people be successful with this endeavor — all G. May needs to do is beg for the viewers to send gifts, and then the money will come rolling in. This is exactly the edge that UC Davis has been looking for. The May Man already has micro-celebrity status here in Davis, and we need to leverage that to our advantage. He can be seen strolling the streets downtown and will get stopped by adoring Aggies for pictures and handshakes. Now, to really get his attention, you can send him a gift on TikTok Live and get a shout out.

Once we establish Gareth May’s position as a TikTok influencer, that’s when we’ll really start to make money: I’m talking sponsorships and brand deals. Brands will pay thousands for the chancellor to endorse their products. I know it. 

Eventually, Gare Bear will leverage this influencer status into full on celebrity status and will hopefully be invited to the Met Gala. Of course, he’ll be on TikTok Live at the event and, fingers crossed, will get to meet Anna Wintour — then, it will all come full circle when he wears a custom Gucci Gunrock costume. 


Written by: Allison Keleher — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu 


Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)


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