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Davis, California

Friday, May 24, 2024

A love letter

To the man listening to music without headphones


By AUDREY ZHANG — aurzhang@ucdavis.edu


I fell for you at first sound. The moment I saw you, ears bared, open to listening to all the world, especially to your music speaker; I could think of no other. Not even the man taking phone calls in the quiet section of the library made my face flush so red or my heart beat so fast. Tell me why it ain’t nothing but a heartache. Tell me why it ain’t nothing but a mistake. Tell me why I know the lyrics to so many songs I never willingly listened to. It’s because of you. You changed my life. I wanted it that way.

You are so considerate when you play music because now we won’t have to listen to ourselves think. I long to squeeze your neck, ahem, I mean, I long to hold your hand. Yes, your hands, your frail, delicate hands suited only to be loved and not for labor, not even to plug in your headphone jack or turn on Bluetooth. It is beneath you. No one else is so brave, to weather the storm of side glances and wrinkled noses. No one else is so intelligent, to realize that silence is a shackle and we must stick it to the Man.

My love, if your heart beats the same for me, please meet me in the Mondavi parking structure where turkeys warble and garage bands play dulcet drums almost as loud as your music. A man will be waiting for you. He will ask you to get into the car with tinted windows for a very good and romantic reason. Do not delay sweetheart!


Written by: Audrey Zhang — aurzhang@ucdavis.edu  


Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)


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