People often complain that no one in college dates and after donning my thinking cap and pondering the question, I have concluded it is simply because nobody knows how. But fear not, my romantically challenged compadres, because I am here to enlighten you.
What is a “date“?
Think about what the ultimate goal of a “date” is. And no, it’s not just to get laid. If that’s all you’re interested in, then this advice isn’t for you.
The definition of a date can mean different things to different people. Sorry, gentlemen, but blacking out at Froggy’s over a pitcher of Blue Moon is not a date; having long-winded drunken conversations is not the same as getting to know her, and being romantic is not measured in terms of how many extra orange slices you steal for her when the bartender isn’t looking.
But at the same time, a date doesn’t have to be dressing up all fancy shmancy and taking her out to a $75-a-plate dinner either.
For you, the romantically challenged male college student, a date should fall somewhere in between these two extremes.
After all, the point of dating is to get to know someone better, to determine if you’re right for one another, and learn if there is potential to develop a meaningful romantic relationship. A “date” is simply anything that facilitates this end.
Where to take her?
This is where you get to be creative, but don’t get too fancy too early on. Start with something simple; a low-pressure activity like going to Yoloberry (it’s been scientifically proven a girl will never say no to a Yoloberry date) or lunch at the Coho.
But some girls might not consider these low-pressure outings to be “real” dates, so if you want to move the relationship forward, then you’re going to have to sack up and ask her to dinner.
How to execute the perfect dinner date
Okay, so you asked her to dinner and she said yes. As you drive to pick her up, you realize you have no idea what you are doing. Well, here are some things to keep in mind to help you have a successful “real” date:
First, assume she is into you. In other words, be confident because no amount of expensive cologne can hide low self-esteem from a girl. She didn’t agree to go on a date with you because she thought you’re a gooberific pimple of a person and if you act like you like you, she will also like you. Girls are attracted to confidence, but don’t be cocky because that just makes you a toolbag. And nobody likes a toolbag.
Second, be a gentleman. This means opening doors, offering her your jacket if she’s cold, and paying for dinner, just to name a few. You might be worried some girls will think this to be a sexist affirmation of gender inequality, but 99 percent of girls will be impressed by traditional gentlemanly behavior.
Third, make use of body language. This doesn’t mean trying to hold her hand right away, but making subtle physical gestures like touching her hand or on her back when it’s appropriate amidst the conversation. Humans are physical beings and don’t underestimate the power of touch to ignite the spark of emotion.
Fourth, stay focused on her. Be aware of your body language because for girls this is more important than what you actually say. Have good posture when you sit and maintain eye contact when she speaks to you. Also, I know it’s getting hot outside, but be sure not to check out every scantily-clad coed that walks by because your date will notice and immediately think you’re a toolbag.
Fifth, listen. This is a surprisingly difficult thing for guys to do, but it’s the easiest way to make a girl fall for you. I’m not saying to pretend to be interested in what she is saying, but to actually be interested in what she is saying. Engage her in real conversation that allows both of you to get to know one another better. The more interest you show in what she has to say, the more interested she will be in what you have to say.
The most important thing to keep in mind is, as corny as it sounds, to be yourself. You should never have to compromise who you are to make a girl like you. You know what you like, what you believe, and what you want out of life. Show her this, and if she is right for you, then she will love you for it.
MIKE HOWER has nothing against pitchers of Blue Moon or the little orange slices that go in them. If you are romantically challenged and need help, please send him a message at mahower@ucdavis.edu.
