A student’s lack of distraction becomes a major distraction for classmates, world
It’s always annoying when you’re really in the zone taking an exam and a phone goes off and ruins your concentration. Luckily for students in Marcus Raferty’s class, that wasn’t a problem because he’s a massive loser.
“I realized after the exam was over that my phone wasn’t on silent as I thought,” said Raferty, a fourth-year psychology major and major loser. “But I didn’t get a single notification during the midterm so nobody knew. I guess it’s a good thing, but I kind of wish I had gotten something to make me feel important. Even a text from my uncle would’ve been fine even though he’s dead. The only notification I got was that some random person I don’t know posted in Free and For Sale. Why would I care that Joanne is trying to sell her own leg? Really, Joanne? Again?”
This troubling incident didn’t go over very well with Raferty’s classmates, either.
“I was so distracted after learning that Marcus’ phone wasn’t on silent during our exam,” said Taylor Reed, a third-year psychology major and human outlet. “Just the thought of how much I could’ve been distracted angered me to my core. And if I did badly on this exam, I’m just going to absolutely lose it. The only way I could’ve done badly is because of a potential distraction that never actually happened. It has nothing to do with the fact that I went to Coachella the weekend before my Monday exam. Don’t be stupid.”
Student Judicial Affairs (SJA) is considering expelling Raferty over the incident.
“What Marcus Raferty did during his exam is absolutely criminal,” a spokesperson for SJA told The California Aggie. “His classmates should not have had to sit there taking an exam with somebody who is such an absolute loser. Who gets no texts during a 50-minute period? I have to stop talking about this now because it honestly makes me sick to my stomach. Also I should go find my son.”
Raferty has hopefully learned an important lesson from this incident: Stop being such a loser.
Written by: Brian Landry — bjlandry@ucdavis.edu
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)
