BLACKFACE IS NOT OKAY!! Unless you’re willing to pay 😉
Gucci, Katy Perry and Ralph Northam are the latest idiots who have decided to participate in the blackface buffoonery chronicles. Of course, they were mercilessly exposed by Black Twitter during Black History Month for pandering to the Black community all while using some form of blackface.
Let’s start off with the lovely Virginian Democrat Ralph Northam, who was exposed for wearing blackface like an eminent badge of honor back in the “it’s okay to be kinda racist” days. Northam claims he was Michael Jackson for a dance contest and wore “a little bit” of shoe polish, as if Michael Jackson carried much melanin in the 80s. All that statement tells me is that Northam believed he needed to evoke the spirits of his racist ancestors who participated in blackface minstrelsy in order to make his costume authentic. Gotta throw the whole state away at this point.
The famous pop singer Katy Perry, who’s known for her popular song, “I Tried Blackface, and I Liked It,” was also exposed for her plain yet confusing blackface footwear. Katy “the queen of cultural appropriation” Perry claimed that the house slippers were “envisioned as a nod to modern art and surrealism,” just like blackface was in the 30s. Since the unattractive blackface house slippers have been criticized, Perry has “immediately removed” them from her highly questionable fashion line. Hopefully in the future she will immediately remove all thoughts and ideas of blackface from her creative team.
On the other hand, Gucci thought its buyers would love a more elegant, high-end take on blackface. A few months back, Gucci put out a $890 black knit turtleneck sweater that partially covered the mouth of a white model with a red-lipped Sambo caricature. During Blackface History Month, Black Twitter saw the perfect opportunity to drag Gucci by their overpriced heels and bring together the one percent of the one percent — black rappers.
By changing skin tones at the same rate that Jeff Bezos changes mistresses, white people should be paying reparations to black people — and everyone who’s had to write articles about blackface — at this point.
Written by: Hilary Ojinnaka — firstname.lastname@example.org
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)