Nobody loves you anymore
By ANDIE TARABZOONI — rmtarabzooni@ucdavis.edu
The idea of meeting someone organically tends to send people into a frenzy, whether it be social anxiety or a fear of rejection — it’s impossible to orchestrate but horrible to wait for. But meeting through dating apps is looked down upon. So what’s the solution here? Is dating worse than ever? Are we doomed as a planet since you can’t find “the one” on Hinge? Should we get into a bunker to be saved from Armageddon?
The answer isn’t that simple, although we’d like it to be. To preface, I’m Saudi Arabian, so I don’t date. But most people I’ve met in college do. So, I’m purely basing this on what I think (which is usually correct).
The online dating scene in the United States is really interesting since it’s very multifaceted and multicultural. The interaction of all of these cultures tends to create some tiring displays of code-switching in relationships. I’ve seen that a lot of my international friends — who tend to date people they’ve met off Hinge and Bumble — have had a hard time keeping up with the constant work of code-switching. This usually leads to them dating people whom they feel more comfortable around, whether that means another international student, someone who can resonate with their culture or someone from back home.
Often, these connections made through silly prompts tend to fade. It’s not all that personal, you just want to be able to express yourself with someone you like. But maybe there are the right people out there, and maybe you can’t expect people to adjust within the first few days. Your “perfect partner” needs you to give them time. Patience is the biggest virtue when it comes to dating; don’t be afraid to give it or look for it.
If not Hinge, how do you meet someone? I met someone during my first year through an orientation group who I thought was really cool. Thankfully, they moved continents without telling me or their roommate. So maybe it’s not how you meet them — maybe people are just crazy. Is there really that big of a difference between dating apps and meeting people “organically”? What does organically even mean?
I’m not sure if being in the same Living-Learning Community or orientation group is all that organic. Or maybe it is, maybe it really is fate. But maybe you could also meet the love of your life on Tinder. Who am I to judge? I have no firsthand experience other than ad-libbing as my friends doom scroll through Tinder. I think at the end of the day, it is important to put yourself out there, and do as much as you can if you really want to find someone to reciprocate your love.
I mean, personally, I think it’s superficial to date people purely based on looks and a prompt that tells you they like to pet dogs and watch “Cake Boss” in their free time. But that’s just me. I feel like I’d really need to feel the chemistry (if there is any) and figure out if they have an annoying voice. But maybe that doesn’t matter, maybe you’ve been telling the universe every night, “The one for me loves Cake Boss.” And if that’s how you find the one, who am I to tell you differently? The universe has its ways, so telling people you met on Hinge might be funny. But if you love them, you love them!
There is definitely a problem with dating apps and how we treat people as little whimsical sims, but that’s the era we’re in. So maybe we should adapt and become a little more superficial? It’s better than giving the person you don’t like and aren’t attracted to “a chance” because you met in person.
Back to a more serious topic: alignment is really important when it comes to finding “the one.” I’m sure a good majority of us had our parents tell us their disagreeing opinions at some point or another. But as we’re allowed to become more vocal and express more opinions, it’s only fair we try to align ourselves with people who we agree with. I’m sure that for some people that doesn’t matter, considering the influx of people with partners with terrible opinions.
But why should we settle? Why should we choose someone who we have to warn our friends about? It doesn’t have to be political, it can simply be not wanting to stay in the same area or having different life goals. I’m writing this about 20-somethings, so why feel the need to drop it all for someone you met at such a young age? Life will go on for, hopefully, another 50 or so years. You‘ll be okay (no promises though).
At the end of the day, dating isn’t necessarily worse than ever. It’s definitely harder, and a lot more is going on now. We’re aware of multicultural relationships, we’re aware of our own identities and we’re aware of what our needs are. That’s a lot of awareness. Maybe people in the past had a different mindset of “just having to marry someone.” Maybe our mindsets have changed. But people are finding people for them. It’s less of a dating problem and more so being aware of all of your needs and options that it feels more like online shopping rather than something intimate.
There’s hope for you — don’t date the guy who uses therapy-speak on every Hinge date. There is so much more for you! Life has so much to offer, it isn’t over because you got ghosted at the ripe age of 20. And I’ve never watched “Love, Actually,” but this quote saves me from trying to be heartfelt to the select few California Aggie fans: “If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”
Written by: Andie Tarabzooni — rmtarabzooni@ucdavis.edu
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by individual columnists belong to the columnists alone and do not necessarily indicate the views and opinions held by The California Aggie.
