Humor

The buses are so wise   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   After a long and grueling day on the UC Davis campus, with the sun having set many hours ago, I decided it was time to depart — my beautiful red chariot awaited me. As I stumbled over my own feet to the Silo […]

Do they hate you? Love you? A secret third thing?   By MADISON SEEMAN — meseeeman@ucdavis.edu   Nearly 30 minutes into my three-hour-long computer lab, I felt a strong disturbance in the vibes. Something was boring to me, strong enough to bypass all three layers of my incredibly cozy outfit. It was the kind of […]

How will this impact my daily omelet?   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   Late one night, I left the library around closing time (since I am a nerd), and I noticed something peculiar in the distance. Looking toward Mrak Hall, I saw a team of doctors in hazmat suits rushing toward the Eye on […]

It’s rough out here   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   The other day, I was taking a stroll through the Memorial Union (MU) Quad when I looked to my right and saw Gunrock lying face down in the grass. His shoulders were shuddering and there appeared to be a pool of tears collecting beneath […]

They will live happily ever after   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   Once upon a time, in a land far, far away called Davis, California, two bright and shiny red buses were born. Little bus squeaks filled the air as they took their first breaths. On this day, in adjacent bus hospital rooms, two […]

A heart that bows to no one but my love   By NEVAEH KARRAKER— nakarraker@ucdavis.edu   To all those weary of modern dating,   We, the hopeless romantics, pronounce that the world is in a state where chivalry is dead. Standards have been reduced so much that people accept the absolute bare minimum from their […]

What is ‘the huzz?’ I’m too old for this   By MADISON SEEMAN — meseeman@ucdavis.edu There comes a time in everyone’s life when they must realize their generation is no longer the baby of the family. For so long, Generation Z reigned supreme; We made the slang no one else understood and ruled apps like […]

With these tips, who needs to touch grass?    By MADISON SEEMAN — meseeman@ucdavis.edu   We live in rough times. Between today’s news, yesterday’s news, tomorrow’s news and the 10-week sprint that is the quarter system, there is a lot to process. When the going gets tough, it is important to put your needs first […]

Please consider enlisting as a barista to help     By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   In the wake of the protein menu release, there has been an unforeseeable surge in demand at all of the on-campus Peet’s Coffee locations. Despite the cold weather, these muscular men make their way to Peet’s in their gym shorts […]

Do you all actually like alcohol or is it all an elaborate ruse?   By MADISON SEEMAN— meseeman@ucdavis.edu   LED lights, red solo cups and the worst acoustics possible filled a room holding 40 sweaty, drunk and sleep-deprived college students. Everyone else was drinking, and the party was in full swing; Noah was eyeing his […]

The Rizzler (me) has spoken   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   UC Davis is a well-known institution with many bright students and faculty who support the advancement of higher education. With that being said, as a student of this university, I feel it is my duty to share with you the brain rot that […]

Student drives himself insane over Memorial Union pizza bagel   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   My poor friend, Dwayne, a geology major, took some much-needed respite from instruction during the winter break — needed because he spent all of fall quarter obsessing over pizza bagels. The sad thing is that he started the fall […]