Humor: The ants in my apartment are my only friends
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Humor: The ants in my apartment are my only friends

An ode to the loneliness (and inevitable infestations) of Summer Session Hello there, gents. I am a student taking Summer Session II, and I would like to share…

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Cartoon: Welcome
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Cartoon: Welcome

Humor: Tercero cow wears disguise to avoid families during orientation season
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Humor: Tercero cow wears disguise to avoid families during orientation season

Heifer caught going in-cow-neato What was supposed to be a fun introduction to life at UC Davis for incoming freshman James Daly ended in butt-hurt. Daly, recently admitted…

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Humor: Davis turkeys mysteriously vanish after Chipotle introduces new protein option
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Humor: Davis turkeys mysteriously vanish after Chipotle introduces new protein option

Top-ranked animal scientists suspect fowl play For years, many an Aggie had to bear witness to the brutality of the Davis turkeys. These birds haunted Cowtown ever since…

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Humor: This Article is Redacted
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Humor: This Article is Redacted

Providing humorous insight on ██████████ This article is intended to be hilarious. Unfortunately, many of the jokes, jests, jeers, japes, quips, gags, parodies, pranks, puns, ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ clever turns…

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Humor: “No, we’re supposed to haggle,” says advisor to student who just wants to graduate on time
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Humor: “No, we’re supposed to haggle,” says advisor to student who just wants to graduate on time

And now for, something completely not different that millennials still won’t understand: a Monty Python parody! The following is a scene from the life of Brian. No no,…

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Humor: Don’t judge these controversial figures for their politics — judge them for being bad at music
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Humor: Don’t judge these controversial figures for their politics — judge them for being bad at music

By knowing nothing about classical music, Millennials deny themselves a valuable political attack strategy Bach, Beethoven, Brahms, Bartók, Haydn, Mozart, Mahler, Strauss, Chopin, Liszt, Debussy, Ravel, Rachmaninoff, Richard…

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Humor: Jackass in humanities class baffled by how many academic papers “Al Et” has written
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Humor: Jackass in humanities class baffled by how many academic papers “Al Et” has written

Alfred? Alexander? Alexandra? Dear Editors at The California Aggie, My name is Dr. Barnaby Alastair Exeter-Asherton, PhD, and I’m a professor in the Department of Sociology at UC…

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Cartoon: Goodbye
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Humor: Gary May battles Katehi in the Death Star
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Humor: Gary May battles Katehi in the Death Star

Star Wars vs. Star Trek — who would win? What started as an innocent conversation between UC Davis’ current Chancellor Gary May and pepper spray perpetrator Linda Katehi…

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Humor: HBO to auction off opportunity to rewrite Game of Thrones Season 8
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Humor: HBO to auction off opportunity to rewrite Game of Thrones Season 8

Will this finally appease the fans? ***SPOILER ALERT*** Dear Game of Thrones fans, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss here. Obviously, neither us nor HBO have any intention whatsoever…

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Cartoon: On Campus
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Humor: Tercero to convert into Japanese-style capsule hotel for maximum profits
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Humor: Tercero to convert into Japanese-style capsule hotel for maximum profits

Pod save America As we all know, UC Davis is a pyramid scheme designed to make money off of gullible Californians and even more gullible out-of-staters. You say…

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Humor: Pitch for WORKING TITLE, a disaster movie on the hypothetical threat of “climate change”
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Humor: Pitch for WORKING TITLE, a disaster movie on the hypothetical threat of “climate change”

Taking pseudo-science fiction to the extreme through the art of cinema Dear prospective producers and generous investors, My name is Milton I. Scaps, Jr. Journalist. Thinker. Christian. Conservative.…

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Cartoon: Canvas
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