Davis has had 0 bike crashes since March 2020; university promises to change that
Permalink

Davis has had 0 bike crashes since March 2020; university promises to change that

I mean, if I’m not getting yeeted off my bike once a quarter, why am I paying to go here? Throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, many Davis students have…

Continue Reading →

Your post-Valentine’s Day reminders and remedies
Permalink

Your post-Valentine’s Day reminders and remedies

The only difference between you and a calendar is that the calendar had a date for Valentine’s Day I’ll be honest with you. The past few weeks leading…

Continue Reading →

New super-coronaviruses discovered
Permalink

New super-coronaviruses discovered

Technically they’re mutants, but that didn’t sound as cool As the COVID-19 pandemic continues to rage on, many mutations of the virus have developed. Last week, however, researchers…

Continue Reading →

Uncovered: Davis cows are apparently all just unpaid vet students forced to wear cow suits for class credit
Permalink

Uncovered: Davis cows are apparently all just unpaid vet students forced to wear cow suits for class credit

Don’t ask us where the milk comes from In a recent investigation, it was discovered that UC Davis’ iconic cows are in fact not livestock and are actually…

Continue Reading →

UC Davis administration turns Mondavi Center into giant ball pit and hosts pizza party for struggling students
Permalink

UC Davis administration turns Mondavi Center into giant ball pit and hosts pizza party for struggling students

“We just want to show students we care” With the pandemic now close to reaching the one year mark, UC Davis is determined to help struggling students. So…

Continue Reading →

REPORT: Bill Belichick attempts to win back Tom Brady
Permalink

REPORT: Bill Belichick attempts to win back Tom Brady

It got kind of awkward Tom Brady just punched a ticket to his tenth Super Bowl, but this will be the first without his long-time head coach Bill…

Continue Reading →

My ‘My Pillow’ keeps me awake at night
Permalink

My ‘My Pillow’ keeps me awake at night

And it’s not for the reason you think It was Jan. 4 when I walked into that Bed Bath & Beyond. I wasn’t satisfied with the pillows in…

Continue Reading →

Oh no! What to do when you’ve been caught buying dog food
Permalink

Oh no! What to do when you’ve been caught buying dog food

The beginner’s guide on how to get away with buying dog food when you don’t own a dog We’ve all been there: caught red-handed buying dog food by…

Continue Reading →

My unfortunate nose job
Permalink

My unfortunate nose job

I killed it The pandemic has really brought me a lot of financial anxiety recently. Even if the world economy is more anxious than I am, I still…

Continue Reading →

I found a dead squirrel
Permalink

I found a dead squirrel

And much more… Weeks ago, I found a dead squirrel. You may be sitting at home reading this thinking, “This isn’t newsworthy,” or maybe even: “I think this…

Continue Reading →

Pfizer employee accidentally ruins all COVID-19 vaccines
Permalink

Pfizer employee accidentally ruins all COVID-19 vaccines

Oh no, this is some really bad news Bad news, guys. A Pfizer employee just ruined all COVID-19 vaccines. You guys know who did it? Matthew J. Pfizer.…

Continue Reading →

Guest Opinion: Santa is real
Permalink

Guest Opinion: Santa is real

Hi everyone on the newspaper! I have not used a keyboard before because my mom does not let me but I came to write a story about why…

Continue Reading →

Alternatives to an Irish Exit during the pandemic
Permalink

Alternatives to an Irish Exit during the pandemic

But you really wanted to be there though! In 2019 the Irish Exit was simple: float out of a gathering you no longer want to be a part…

Continue Reading →

The only way to stop a pandemic is a pandemic with a gun
Permalink

The only way to stop a pandemic is a pandemic with a gun

The case for giving malaria a gun We’re all tired of this pandemic. The doctors have tried to solve this problem with their curve-flattening, freedom-violating restrictions. The experts…

Continue Reading →

Davis students conspire to take most expensive classes
Permalink

Davis students conspire to take most expensive classes

“This costs how much?” According to UC Davis’ Schedule Builder website, “course material and service fees have been waived for the Winter 2021 Quarter and will not be…

Continue Reading →