Dear Gabby,
My boyfriend has been friends with this girl for a while and they’ve always been flirty with each other. We have been in a relationship for a couple years and are very happy, but he and his friend continue to say that they love each other. I confronted him about it, and he told me that I don’t understand the type of friendship they have, and he didn’t believe he was crossing any lines. How do I make him understand my viewpoint without ruining our relationship or their friendship?
— Simply frustrated

Dear Simply frustrated,
You see this friendship as inappropriate, while he sees your reaction as unnecessary. The obvious next step would be to analyze the situation, find out who is right or wrong, and put the matter to rest, right? Not exactly. The more important issue here is realizing that someone in the relationship is getting hurt and doing something to change that. Even the happiest couples out there have underlying issues that remain unresolved because they focus on superficial disputes like the one you are having, instead of getting down to the core problem. Maybe he really is just friends with her and maybe you are being a little paranoid, but solving that mystery comes second to the way you both feel.

I think the two of you should set aside a time to talk about what the both of you want. Tell him it would have been nice if instead of him saying, “you don’t understand our relationship, and I don’t think I’m crossing any lines”, he had said, “I didn’t think I was crossing any lines, but I care about you and don’t want you to feel this way, so let’s talk about it.” You are his girlfriend and she is his friend. There is a priority difference there, and if not then you’ve got bigger problems. If he knows that he is hurting you then he should want to make changes and that might change his friendship with her. Even if your boyfriend comes to you with a concern that you think is absolutely ridiculous, remember that he doesn’t see it that way, so talk about it.

If there was a final exam we all had to pass before we go to heaven or reincarnate as a redwood or what have you, I think the bonus question on the last page would ask something like, “What does every type of relationship need?” And the answer would most likely be “communication,” because with it everyone is happier and with out it no one knows.

Dear Gabby,
What’s the best way to stay focused but keep from stressing out during finals?
— Already stressing

Dear Already stressing,
For many classes, the final exam can either make or break your grade and with that comes a ton of pressure. Finals week is going to be a stressful time no matter what, making it hard to completely eliminate stress. But rest assured, there are definitely ways to reduce that stress.

Waiting until the last minute to make flash cards and finish study guides isn’t the smartest thing to do. Start preparing for the big day right now. If you work well with others and get that extra boost of motivation from study groups, then plan one. I sometimes find that people in a study group feed off each other’s adrenaline when the pressure is on. For other people, after about two hours, the study group turns into a kickback minus the alcohol (or not), and you can imagine the results of that study method.

Solitary studying is one of the most effective study techniques for me, although it can get hard to focus when I’m tired and stressed. Try studying at the library for a while and then go home and relax for a while. Take breaks and watch an episode of “Modern Family” or read a couple of chapters from the novel you abandoned when classes started in September.

A great way to relieve stress is to give your brain a break and clear your mind at the gym. The UC Davis Activities and Recreation Center has study rooms on the first floor making it easy to grab a latte at Starbucks, study for a couple of hours and reboot with a 30 minute jog. Speaking of rebooting, it’s imperative that you sleep often. And by that I don’t mean study all night and hit the hay when the sun rises, but try and stick to a set schedule so that you get eight hours of sleep every night. Do everything you’ve heard since junior high about staying healthy: eat a hearty breakfast, stay active, stay focused, take breaks and nap. If you’re healthy, you will mostly likely be less stressed than you would be if you were studying with the flu.

Don’t hesitate to e-mail professors about past material, meet with teaching assistants and ask a tutor for help in South Hall before you start stressing. It’s always better to over study than not study enough. Make those study plans now and next week you’ll be happy that you did. Good luck!

Gabby gives way better advice than your mom. Don’t believe me? Test her skills at ucdeargabby.gmail.com.

I’m a firm believer that college is the perfect time to make all of life’s really bad decisions. I suggest that before graduation, everyone should drink too much, eat too much, party too much and do some really dangerous stuff, like playing tennis with a ball that’s been set on fire.

Well, maybe not the last one, but you get the point. Some of the most important learning we do in college is finding out what never to do again in the future.

Take for example my RA from freshman year who, after seeing Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, decided that he had to try a White Castle burger. Unfortunately for him, the closest restaurant was about two thousand miles away.

Undeterred, he and a friend drove through a blizzard and tried burgers at 10 different White Castle locations. Apparently, he learned that White Castle is really delicious. Or, maybe, that if you drive through a blizzard you better make the best of it.

While I’ve never done anything quite that impulsive, I’m no stranger to road trips. I make the drive from San Diego to Davis on a regular basis and have had my share of run-ins along the way.

Last year, when I drove back to Davis after Thanksgiving, I got stuck in the horrendous traffic jam that always happens near Los Angeles. Since I’m a college student fond of procrastinating, I didn’t have up to date registration stickers on my license plate.

Since I’m a genius, I pulled in front of a cop car in stop-and-go traffic with expired plates. I knew I was in trouble when he followed me as I changed lanes. Sure enough, he pulled me over and gave me my first ticket ever.

Needless to say, I was so scared I nearly peed myself. I learned from that day on how important it is to keep up with all your DMV records.

My run-in with the police pales in comparison to the time I was snowed in on the Grapevine, the mountain pass that separates the fields of central California from the insanity of L.A. I had already been driving for hours by the time I reached the great barrier, when I heard on the radio that they were going to close it. But I tried to get through it anyway.

I drove on, trying to ignore the blinding rain, which turned into snow halfway up the mountain. Traffic ground to a stop, but several large SUVs kept careening on the icy road and running into other cars.

It was freezing, I was low on gas and my car was starting to make ominous shuddering noises. At that point, I was pretty sure that I would become a human Popsicle. I was sure Caltrans would dig me out of the snow the next day like the frozen caveman that scientists found in the Alps.

After an hour, the police redirected traffic back down the mountain and the new challenge was finding a place to sleep for the night. I went to the closest hotel and found out the smart people who didn’t try to drive across a snowy mountain already occupied all the rooms.

I then went to every seedy roadside hotel I could find, but they were all full. At that point, I could understand the plight of Jesus’ mother, Mary, more than ever before. Except for the whole immaculate conception thing. That’s still a mystery to me.

With the help of my mom and a Best Western rewards card, I was finally able to get a hotel room. And after a hot shower, I felt pretty invincible. Thinking I was going to careen to my icy death made me realize how much I had to live for and how much I had to learn about cold weather driving.

A whole host of other mishaps, like the time my battery died at a deserted gas station or the time the car got stuck in reverse in a Wienerschnitzel parking lot, have shown me that when you take the bad with the good you can learn a lot. It’s the things that you hope never happen again that teach you the most about what you need to know for the future.

So, hop in your car, hit the road, and hope you’ll find yourself in a situation you never wanted to be in. Or not, you choose.

KATE ZARRELLA wants to hear about your worst life choices at kazarrella@ucdavis.edu.

I know it’s “like freezing cold” outside, that autumn leaves are cute, that there are just a few days ‘til Thanksgiving. I know homework and testing is the hellish bane of your existence … but small talk is the bane of mine.

Why won’t anyone tell me something new? Most importantly, why must everyone interminably circle around the subject they’d really like to broach like crafty, conniving birds of prey? I’d much rather they swoop to the point, no matter how sharp the transition or painful the subject may be.

The busier I am, the less I appreciate people traipsing along on tangents that ricochet from one extreme of the universe to another. (See Exponential Decay). If I truly must waste a third of my day listening to things I’ve already heard, I’d much rather hide in my room with my iPod than exchange awkward quips about the weather.

While I do prefer the other end of the continuum, where people I’ve known for three extensive nanoseconds promptly begin telling me their most intimate secrets, or scrabbling around (like blindfolded klutzes thrown into an ice-skating rink sans skates) for answers to existential questions as profound as they are annoying — even this gets old.

I’m done hearing people’s assigned life meanings for now, but I wouldn’t mind if people could just be more open and actually tell me something illuminating about themselves (that doesn’t require them to sob oceans of tears over their seventh-grade breakups or angrily stomp faults into the ground because their mommies are too pushy).

Nowadays we really need to be productive and efficient with our time. So why not do each other a favor and be more straightforward?

If you want something: ask for it. Sure, you might get a ruthless “NO”, but I doubt trashing time by hovering around the subject, buzzing nonsense like a pesky fly would’ve helped your cause anyway.

I don’t have the psychic powers to detect whether someone is being friendly to persuade me to do them a favor, or if they are trying to slowly incorporate themselves into my friend circle so they may learn intricate details about our lives which they shall make the material of future blackmails.

Either way, I’m too lazy to listen and too busy to make sense of what’s going down, yet too analytical to resist curiosity.

So while my mind wrangles with the omnipotent trio of irritation, interest and impatience that tugs my thoughts awry, I’ll be temporarily entertained … but mostly annoyed.

If all you want to do is prattle on about your latest obsession, discuss your favorite 30-syllable, sentence-long shade of nail polish or delve into narcissism and list your numerous honors and awards — you better speak quickly.

People should learn not only to monitor the content of their conversations (fabulous foot fungi do not make for delicious dinner discussions), but also the length. When someone else is the only one talking for three tedious hours of hang-out time, I tend to get frustrated.

So make sure you’re talking about things that everyone can relate to. For example, I’m about as sports literate as I am fluent in Sanskrit, so if you’re going to discuss football with me, you might as well be speaking gibberish.

To avoid leaving people out, speak to them in a language they will understand and actually give them the opportunity to speak. Also, try to communicate clearly by following standard word definitions and syntactical norms. Google your grammar and look up words you don’t know before you throw them around, willy-nilly.

People are all interesting in their own ways, so don’t always resort to small talk to deflect the attention from your lovely self, but exercise caution and avoid focusing on solely yourself as well.

College is the time when most people perfect their social skills. It may take a bit longer than you expected, but be careful, be polite and everything should (mostly) work out. Good luck!

Tell ZENITA SINGH your favorite thirty-syllable, sentence-long shade of nail polish at zensingh@ucdavis.edu.

I cannot begin to express my overwhelming pride in our community that I felt at Monday’s rally. At the same time, I am deeply, deeply humbled by the solidarity and commitment displayed and felt at the event. I am writing today as a person who never really participated in any protest, and even less so a movement. I’m a bit embarrassed to say that it took such a horrific event as pepper spraying my peers to galvanize and rile me into action. However, I can confidently say that my views have changed on the matter completely: I now know that speaking up and peacefully assembling in an act of civil disobedience is an essential part of any democracy and that remaining silent is tantamount to complacency and approval of injustices.

I urge you, reader, to keep up the momentum, keep up the interest and keep acting on what you know to be right. Don’t be made to be complacent by endless letters from the administration, or let complacency grow in you as time goes by. Instead, capitalize on your will to act now and make a difference that will not only affect your younger siblings, cousins, friends, nephews and nieces, but also the children you might one day have. Protect higher public education so that it may remain a public good, rather than a private investment.

Never more than now, have our voices, individually and as a community been more powerful. The door for dialogue has been swung wide open and the eyes of the nation and world trained on us, so let us be an inspiration and lead our peers across the nation and the world in speaking up against rising tuition fees, larger class sizes, reduction in faculty size, loss of research/internship opportunities, the continuing denial of admission of qualified students on the basis of finances and, of course, campus police brutality. Make our leaders accountable for their actions and statements! I will be out there lending my support and voice, and I hope to see you taking peaceful and respectful action as well. I am damn proud to be an Aggie. Whose university? OUR UNIVERSITY!

Alexander Nguyen
Junior computer science engineering major

On Monday, an estimated 5,000 students, faculty and community members gathered on the UC Davis Quad for a rally in response to Friday’s protests. The gathering was a powerful representation of the thousands of people who stand in solidarity with the protesters, and we are proud of the UC Davis community for making their voices heard.

Those who attended the assembly exemplified the peaceful intentions of last week’s Mrak Hall and Quad occupations. Onlookers stood respectfully on the grass, cheered for every speaker and sat down while Chancellor Katehi spoke. By participating in a large-scale rally in such a courteous manner, the protesters demonstrated that they have used, and will continue to use, non-violent tactics, making the police officers’ brutal pepper-spraying on Friday seem even more unnecessary.

The decision-making processes used at the assembly, which allowed participants to split into committees and vote democratically, are similarly commendable. While the UC Board of Regents and UC Davis administration may not seek student opinions on issues, students themselves  have shown that they are able to consider and incorporate a wide range of thoughts into their decisions.

This is UC Davis. We are not police brutality. We are not hate crimes. We are a campus of passionate individuals who stand up for justice.

We also thank the many rally attendees who visited from other universities, such as UC Berkeley and UCLA. The outpouring of support from people who are not part of the Davis community serves as a reminder to the university that outrage over Friday’s events extends beyond Davis and therefore cannot be ignored.

In order for UC Davis to improve as a university, students must continue to participate in events that allow them not only to be heard, but to be seen around the country and around the world. As demonstrations continue, we encourage everyone to remain informed and active in protecting their rights on campus.