We live among you. We take your money. We’re so good at it you hardly even notice. We sit next to you in class, bike by you on the street and probably even live in your house. We are cashiers and you should be nice to us.

Now that I’ve thoroughly creeped you out, I should explain that I have the pleasure (for the most part) of meeting many of you at the Bookstore.

Yes, that is me in the outrageously fashionable Aggie blue smock.

Yes, I’m sorry that you had to pay $400 for your bio books.

No, I can’t give you the used price on your new textbooks.

And, of course I don’t blame you if you don’t remember who I am, but I did warn you about our return policy.

I know it often seems like we cashiers are little more than highly trained apes with really cool scanners and access to a drawer full of money. But when you feel like treating us like peasants, remember, this could have been you scanning barcodes from dawn till dusk.

So, treat us as you would like to be treated. This golden rule has been given out as much as those discount coupon books handed out every quarter that nobody ever wants to take. But it will definitely get you a free plastic bag.

I’m here to tell you that those depressing ads with Sarah McLachlan and the sad stray puppies are onto something. Guilt works wonders in getting your way. When customers with a problem are unbelievably nice to me I feel an overwhelming sense of obligation to help them solve all their problems.

They seem like the depressed puppies and I just want to try my hardest to get them a chew toy and let them go for a romp in the park. Or, just get them the best price possible on their textbooks — either one.

If you’re feeling guilty about using guilt, then feel free to smile or strike up some awkward conversation about parsnips. Friendly banter is a welcome relief when you’ve been selling scantrons for three hours straight.

Despite parsnips and puppies, there a lot of rules that I have to follow that make no sense to me in particular, but nonetheless that I can’t change. Like the way we change the location of textbook returns on a daily basis. Personally, I think we’re just playing hide and seek with the customers. It’s fun for me, but, apparently, some people aren’t amused.

For some reason small problems like a roving return desk can make a normally good-natured person act like angry rhinoceros. But I warn you, I do my job a lot better when I don’t feel like I’m about to be mauled.

The best way to keep me from looking like an angry rhinoceros is to get off your phone once you reach the register. I can tell you there’s nothing more frustrating than trying to read your total, check your ID and ask if you need a bag when you’re focused on hearing a story about how your friend got drunk and accidentally made a hole in the wall with his head.

If it’s absolutely necessary to be on the phone, like if it was your grandpa who got drunk and accidentally broke a hole in the wall with his head and now he’s in intensive care, then go ahead.

All you have to do is tell the person you’re on the phone with that you’re at a register and might have to stop talking for a second. That is a simple way to avoid getting the evil eye from me. It’s also just as easy to say, “Sorry, I’m on the phone” and look apologetic, or even just to tell your friend to hold on and put the phone down for a second.

When people do that I think, wow what an upstanding and considerate person, I should let them know that there is a discount coupon for this t-shirt.

Of all the terrible things you could do to your cashier, one of the worst is deciding to shop one minute before we close. We have locked the doors, turned the lights off and set the security guards loose for a reason. But some people don’t get the hint.

So I’ll just give it to you straight: we need to go home and watch “Glee” … I mean study for chemistry. Well, you get the picture. And hopefully you’ll take my advice to heart. If not, I may be forced to lock you out of the bookstore and laugh at you. You choose.

KATE ZARRELLA would love to chat with you about parsnips and/or puppies at kazarrella@ucdavis.edu.

If you own a python that is getting a little too big, don’t forget you can always let it go. Releasing large snakes is the newest alternative to putting them up for adoption, selling them, or turning them into boots, hat straps or belts.

Look at Florida. The Burmese and African Rock pythons, which average a modest adult size of about 20 feet, have succeeded marvelously at introducing themselves into the Everglades. So much so that the Florida Department of Fish and Game has started sending small groups of researchers to scour the 1.5 million acre Everglades. The hope being that they might be able to remove the estimated 100,000 massive snakes.

Python wrangling isn’t just a job for panic-stricken, under funded biologists. Given the likelihood that these semi-aquatic snakes may soon begin to hybridize, producing something larger and more aggressive, it’s a perfect challenge for those who love hunting something off the beaten, mowed, paved, or otherwise land-based trail. A venture made even more thrilling by the horrifying risk of being ambushed, dragged beneath murky water, coiled around, suffocated and then swallowed whole by a snake that actively seeks carnage.

In fact, the ever-growing population of pythons in Florida has become a priority issue for politicians who’ve been waiting for the next big bandwagon. Their involvement has meant slow deliberations before Congress, wildly impassioned campaign slogans with irrelevant words like “liberty” and “reform,” and the proposal of extreme bans on everything from the import of tree frogs to all things not already in Florida.

At the end of the political day, the issue has meant less actual progress than a decrease in things like congressional sex scandals. Officials elected on the grounds of promoting morality and social order, who often deny allegations of “sexting” while trying to sell senate seats, must now return their attention to the jobs they are expected to do. Namely, freezing the suggested bills and measures in partisan debates.

Because the native climate of both python species is equivalent to the lower third of the United States, it’s not inconceivable that these telephone pole sized serpents could make their way as far west as California and as far north as the Carolinas. Meaning that the miracle of inept government response has the potential to distract politicians from waving their hands under bathroom stalls across most of the U.S.

It’s worth backtracking a bit to examine the reason this political, social and environmental matter came into being. That is, snakes are not puppies. Anyone who looks at a puppy knows roughly what it’s going to grow into. Fewer people see a baby python in a pet store and realize it will grow into something biologists refer to as “a danger to small children in Florida.”

These snakes, when purchased as pets, should be treated in the same way as animals that people actually love. And though the practice of kissing pythons is inadvisable because of salmonella poisoning – as well as death by strangulation – it’s worth noting that scientists have proven pythons to be living, breathing creatures. While many feel that’s just more reason to beat them to death with a shovel if the occasion happens to arise, remember the circumstances that led up to the situation.

If the mistakes humanity has made over time are any indication, it’s probably fair to blame this one, too, on mass media. It started with someone watching a nature documentary involving a python, then another animal that appears too large to be consumed, followed by a several-minute montage of that second animal being swallowed. The statement “that is awesome” resulted, culminating in an internet search for “giant pet snake.” A phrase which the first word will be forgotten later on in the pet shop when the prospective owner stares at a baby monster that can be purchased for the cost of a used textbook.

A short conversation follows, in which the employee who decided to work with animals after no one at Target called them back says, “Have you had a snake before? No? Well, you look fine to me. Register four’s open if you’d like to buy this one.”

According to leading scientists, the snake will grow to one day consume its owner — an accident not the result of cosmic chance, but simply of the scientific fact that pythons always consume their captors. They will rest, then, in the crawl space beneath the house before setting out on their long, inevitable journey to Florida, feasting along the way on endangered wildlife, infants, and, if researchers are to be believed, the world as we know it.

EVAN WHITE can be reached at emwhite@ucdavis.edu, though he’d really prefer carrier pigeon, if it’s all the same to you.

The Davis City Council has tentatively approved hiking the water costs in order to find a better water supply. Though seeing yet another increasing expense is frustrating, the cost is necessary and reasonably small to ensure the safety of Davis water.

Davis currently gets all of its H2O from groundwater basins, while Sacramento gets its water from the American and Sacramento Rivers and San Francisco from the Tuolumne River.

Mayor Joe Krovoza asserted that the unsustainable nature of over-tapping the groundwater supply makes finding an alternate source of water necessary.

“You can’t be for the environment and then not want to pay for such,” Krovoza said.

The new plan would pipe water from Conway Ranch to Davis and Woodland. The project will cost $325 million in total, but Davis would only pay for $155 million, while Woodland would cover the rest.

Davis city water tastes notoriously poor. Many students use filters to improve the quality. This helps, but costs extra money anyway to pay for both the devices and replacement filters. Mineral build-up on faucets is also a persistent problem and can be a pain to fix.

Having this new surface water flowing in with the groundwater will make it easier for wastewater to meet environmental requirements.

It’s a simple yet unfortunate fact that improving water quality, and infrastructure in general, costs money. Wastewater doesn’t magically disappear when it reaches water treatment facilities. It must be cleaned and put back in the environment, and with greater awareness of our impact on the world around us comes the responsibility of managing it.

The increased cost is also for our own benefit. The problem with relying on a single source for all of the city’s water is that if an issue arises, Davis won’t have a back up.

According to Diana Jensen, Davis’s principal civil engineer, Davis wells are having issues with hexavalent chromium and may not meet safety standards after a reassessment in two years. Hexavalent chromium is a carcinogen when inhaled and an intestinal irritant when ingested.

But there is good news. The problems with the water are relatively small now, which is why the costs are relatively low. Krovoza estimates that the water bill will increase by about $1.50 per month for students with three roommates in a single-family home.

However, leaving the problem alone for too long could increase the cost dramatically. In order to avoid costly measures and potential illnesses later, we need to accept a small increase now.