The pressures of accomplishing certain life milestones “on time” is overwhelming
By JHANA RHODES—jsrho@ucdavis.edu
When I was younger, I always told myself that I would meet my future husband by the age of 20, marry him by 27 and have kids by 30. I am nearing 25 years of age and have made no progress in my goals. In the words of Jane Austen — “I’ve no money and no prospects.”
Nowadays, it seems like everyone has figured out life, except for me. While most people my age already have college degrees, their first salaried job and have been in a long-term relationship with their high school sweetheart — I have none of those things. Instead, I’m sitting at my desk complaining about my life in an opinion essay. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still at a young age where I can accomplish many things before I reach my midlife crisis. However, I can’t help but feel like I’m falling behind. And, unfortunately, I know that I’m not the only one that feels this way.
This feeling of falling behind stems from a much bigger problem in our society. Unrealistic social pressures create strict timelines that dictate how and when we should accomplish life goals. When this happens, it fosters a sense of competitiveness and comparison within our society, where the ones who are “on track” get the praise and those who are “falling behind” are condemned.
It’s during the holidays when I come face to face with these demands most often.
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“What about marriage? You should hurry if you want to have kids.”
“My daughter is your age, and she’s engaged!”
From the outside, these questions appear harmless — but they are, in fact, the complete opposite. There have been so many times when I declined family get-togethers just so I could avoid being interrogated. The few times that Thanksgiving dinner was hosted at my house, I’d stay in my room all night just to avoid “harmless” discourse. If these questions were meant to encourage me, then why do I feel so bad?
When external and internal influences pressure you to reach certain milestones, it can be extremely discouraging when you haven’t reached them. No matter how hard I wish I could be thrifty, flirty and thriving with a high-paying job, a mega-mansion and the paycheck to prove it, I’m just not there (yet).
Reaching significant milestones, whether they are related to a career, marriage or having children, is a considerable accomplishment that should be celebrated. However, because of everyone’s diverse goals, aspirations and lifestyles, everyone’s journey will differ. No matter how old you are or where you are, no amount of time can determine when life will fall into place. Some of us start university late, some may not want to have kids and some don’t plan on getting married. It’s important to know that you aren’t “falling behind” — you are just going at your own pace.
So, the next time you’re at a family get-together and they decide to set up a mock trial — make sure to set boundaries with them and yourself. Although it is imperative to work hard in every aspect of your life, don’t place unrealistic expectations on yourself. No matter how much of your life you have lived, when it comes down to accomplishing milestones, no time is correct if you aren’t ready to take that next step. Take your time and live your life the way you want to.
Written by: Jhana Rhodes— jsrho@ucdavis.edu
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by individual columnists belong to the columnists alone and do not necessarily indicate the views and opinions held by The California Aggie.
