Last May 1,the Davis College Republicans attempted to play a satirical game of “Illegal Immigration Capture the Flag“ as a counter-protest against the general socialist/immigration protest occurring on the Quad.Given the reflex of far left groups to see the worst in those who disagree with them, the game quickly became known as“Capture the Illegal Immigrant,“ and has even been reported as such in The Aggie and The Sacramento Bee.

In the same vein,the game was actually never played due to the quasi-riotous response it received.Drunk with the power that universities like UC Davis accord them,the various disaffected groups mobbed DCR,absolutely outraged that someone saw the world differently than they did.That a police presence seemed necessary to protect DCR and to keep the peaceful protest peaceful did not make it into local lore.But the“racism“ of DCR’s event certainly did.

With the principle in mind that reality is perhaps not so important as perception,DCR has elected to take a different path this year:a socialist career fair.May1,as International Workers‘ Day,has a very strong history with the U.S.S.R.and other communist nations,a fact which May Day protestors are either ignorant of or indifferent to.If not some strain of communism,at a bare minimum,many on the Quad will be advocating the socialism of Western Europe orVenezuela as the solution to any problems we face.

In an effort to help these progressively-minded souls,DCR will be having its socialist career fair at a table near the flagpole by the Memorial Union.Information will be provided on various positions within socialist and communist governments,with attention to current and historical examples of these worker-oriented societies.

A few examples…

Petty government bureaucrat:In some communist nations,you may obtain certain limited amenities that normally take thePeople10years to get.Historical family success in pre-communist societies will not necessarily exclude you from employment,but itprobablywill.With both socialism and communism,your job requires no courtesy in dealing with citizens,since they have no other place to go.Creative minds not desired.Efficiency and speed unnecessary.Drab clothing preferable.

Factory worker#1161987:As the stalwart symbol of the People and the foundation of the Motherland,all of the insanity perpetrated by the government is theoretically for your sake.Productivity is highly desired,but with no extra pay or benefits,since that would be so bourgeois.Union membership mandatory,along with union dues.In socialist societies,pay raises are possible but must be cleared by the government because it is their business if you worktoo hard or are too successful.

Union Boss:In many socialist nations,you have the power to hold the government and the economy hostage with the threat of a strike.Supposedly,you are one of the People,but in reality,your benefits and authority,along with your status as a“representative“ of the worker,makes you a very rich person who leads a very good life.Workers in your trade who do not wish to be a part of your union are not allowed to do so,and must pay up for your“services.“ Corruption optional.

Entrepreneur:No longer hiring.These jobs have been outsourced to capitalist nations that reward those who do well.

Other career options available include gulag commandant,minister of information,black market crime lord,member of the secret police,soldier and party official.Information on these positions and more can be found at the fair.

Izaak Pichardo,a member of DCR with the idea for the career fair,wanted to simplify the message for this year’s counter-protest.

“We are showing that socialism is not something to be celebrated,“ said Pichardo.“In this country,we are lucky enough to have real choices and opportunities,and where hard work and creativity are appreciated.“

Sometimes capitalists do complain that socialism ruins the job market.But even if“the numbers“ or“economists“ show this to be true,there are plenty of other great employment opportunities to be had.How could anyone object?

ROB OLSON loves writing socialist want-ads.That said,he will be watching the People get riled up today and taking e-mails at rwolson@ucdavis.edu.

In the New Republic article “Obama’s old virtues,” Karma Nabulsi suggests that Obama’s ascendanceis a function of “classical republicanism“ – a system prizing active civic engagement in a participatory democracy – a very old theme that has been absent from viewf or a very long time. Perhaps. But the explanation for Obama’s political success might be even simpler:it is his promise of a uniting narrative in a disunited country.

America has long been celebrated for herpromise of a new beginning.Yet as her citizens cherished that promise,in the process anarray of divergentniches emerged.AndAmericabecame directionless.

The era of postmodernism – a conceptdefined through the absence of a defining identity – partlyexplains this lack of direction.Protean and ambiguous,postmodernism reveals itselfin many facets of our lives,most obviouslyin our national sphere.For instance,intheNew York Times Magazine article “The Posteverything Generation,” Nicholas Handler asserts that “we refuse … to present a cast of inspirational or revolutionary characters on our public stage or to define a specific philosophy.” Our failure to present a popular national hero,in this sense,isavictimtotheabsence of a distinct narrative.

And society refuses to adhere or conformto anyunifying narrativebecause they have grown sodifferent from each other. “[T]he most powerful forces in our society are the emerging,counterintuitive trends that are shaping tomorrow,” so suggests Senator Clinton’s former chief strategist Mark Penn inMicrotrends.And he’s right.The rapid alteration ofAmerica’s demographics,facilitated byincreased immigration,hascreatedan entirelynew landscape.Asmulticulturalism – a product of this changing landscape – permeates,the creationofspecific,conflicting niches with their respective needs occur.

While these unique nichesproliferate,our forms of expressionhavesimultaneouslyevolved.Ithas becomeslow and personal.Take individuallifestyles.Although dissatisfiedwithcertain practices,we don’talwaysretaliate through protests.Instead,some adoptcontrarian behaviorsby boycotts.Othersengage throughonlinechat rooms.These individual acts are not always directly apparent.

But exhibited intheseactionsis a fierce rebellionin the form ofincrementalactivism.The rejection of one lifestyle and the embrace of anotherare notindicators ofapathybut statements of intent.Postmodernismdoes not provide an encompassing idea,but lays the platform for change at an individual level.And we have embraced it.

Companiesfuelthis individualism further.To meet thebroad spectrum of individual-levelconsumertastes,corporationsorient their products accordingly.Preferences are analyzed and calibrated.Past ideas of mass-marketingareconsignedinsteadto low-end consumer products.Branding and advertising aredesignedspecificallyto satisfy consumption habits.At a large-scale,these miniscule changes magnify themselves intoa large change.As a result,segmentation abounds.

Moreover,with the nationmarginalized,even devoid,ofoutstandingnationalpersonalities,popular culturists replace them.Celebrities and musicians emerge as role models,with ourpreoccupation with the latest gossip on Britney Spears‘ mental health andnews onBrad Pitt’s wreckingmarriageprevailing.Yet,while we appear to scrutinize theirbehavior andtragedies,we aren’tdelighting in theirmisfortune or limitationsas people.We are merely illustratinginterest because we lack national characters.

The convergence ofallthesefactors enabled the emergence of Obama’s candidacy.Promising a new brand of politics that transcended the past,he was,and is,an answer tothose longing foranational unity.His candidacy holdspromise tothe masseswanting to ally individualistic changewith a defining narrative.It’s no coincidence that when Michelle Obama remarked that “[F]or the first time in my adult lifetime,I amreally proud of my country,” she meant it.Becausehewas converging a divided country.It mattered.

ZACH HAN is lost in the reality that is life.Save him from postmodernism’s prison at zklhan@ucdavis.edu.

America is the greatest nation on earth.

I’ve heard that sentence repeated over,and over, and over again since I’ve been paying attention to politics. Hell, even Chris Rock said it.But it’s getting old.Statements like that have been repeated so much they ring hollow, much like when my girlfriend asks me to shave my mustache; I’ve heard it so much,it’s lost all meaning.

What troubles me is that it seems as though any time someone criticizesAmerica,they preface it by saying something along the lines of, “Now,don’t get me wrong,I loveAmerica.After all,we are the fairest nation on earth.But…” and then they say something like, “…we did help overthrow the democratically elected presidents ofChile,Argentina andGuatemala only to replace them with brutal corporatist dictators.” Right…

Or maybe you’ve heard this one:The United States is the most free country in the world.

Yeah,especially considering the fact that when President Bush speaks in a public place,protesters are corralled into designated “free speech zones” anywhere from500meters to a mile away from his location,and that the military has developed a giant,Humvee-mountable microwave emitter for dissent dissuasion.I guess the fire hoses,attack dogs,tear-gas,rubber bullets and sandbags fromSeattle weren’t enough.

And sure,we get to vote,but let’s be real,the right to vote doesn’t mean shit if you don’t get the day off work,your district is gerrymandered and your choices on the ballot are Pro-Life Corporate Prick and Pro-Choice Corporate Asshole.

But for my favorite platitude,I turn to Glenn Beck,who is conveniently both a conservative and an idiot. “America took itself from a far-fetched idea to the greatest,most compassionate,most free country the world has ever known.” He later added, “And I would have totally let Ken Lay do me.“

Speaking of Ken Lay (of Enron glory),I don’t buy the whole “natural causes” thing about his “untimely” death.Sure it was a heart attack,but an injection ofsodium bicarbonate between his toesà laMichael Clayton – courtesy of a worried Enron compatriot –would have done the trick.

Anyhow,the “compassionate” part of Beck’s statement attracts my attention.Here’s a compassionate fact:theU.S.provides60percent of the world’s food aid.I’m touched.Except that theU.S.Farm Bill has provisions in it which force nations accepting cash aid to only purchase food produced in theU.S.Additionally,U.S.farm subsidies effectively destroy local farmers by underselling them.The subsidies and the mandate to purchase American food keep those countries entirely dependent onU.S.food aid and stocked with a large,desperately poor unemployed population.

Because they’re unable to produce their own food,the people must instead work to earn money to purchaseU.S.imports.And where do they work? Well,JanSport and Banana Republic (the single most tragically ironic brand name in the history of the world) just opened new sweatshops and a new diamond mine just came online.So with no other options available,they start making backpacks and shitty T-shirts for frat boys and digging up earrings for the rappers they’re trying to look like.

But what troubles me most is not the raw untruth of Mr.Beck’s and others‘ jingoistic ass-kissing; it’s the fact that people feel obligated to do it in the first place.Statements along those lines are basically McCarthy era loyalty oaths.And considering that you’re either with us or with the terrorists,if you don’t constantly reinforce that you’d let John McCain give you a poop-helmet on national TV,you might as well change your name to Muhammad and start taking flight lessons.

People who seek to critically examine theUnited States must first dissuade any notion that they thinkAmerica has ever done anythingbad,and can only suggest thatAmerica domore good.This hampers our national dialogue and prevents open criticism in mass media.

But since this isn’t mass media,fuck it:America is not the most free,the most compassionate,the most equal or the most just nation on earth.We’re certainly not the worst,but we’re really not all that special either.

K.C.CODY thinks the storm over Jeremiah Wright is a perfect example of what happens when someone doesn’t play by the rules.Play by your own rules when you e-mail K.C.atkccody@ucdavis.edu.

U.S.District Judge Frank C. Damrell Jr.recently ruled in favor of UC Davis in a Title IX lawsuit filed by four women who lost their spots on the intercollegiate wrestling team in 2001.

The ruling shouldn’tcome as a surprise.UC Davis is a renownedproponent of women’s athletics,havingtwicebeen namedthe “BestUniversity for Women Athletes” among Division II programs bySports Illustratedsince the year2000.In addition,the university’s selection of varsity athletic programs has been fair.

This particular case,however,wasn’t dismissed because of the university’ssupport of its female athletes– it was dismissed on a legal technicality.

A dismissal in this fashion is unfortunate for UC Davis,as it could suggest that the university escaped merely due to a technicality.A ruling on UC Davis‘ decisions could have shed light on a controversial issue.

The controversy escalated when Lennie Zalesky was named UC Davis‘ new head wrestling coach in2001,andhe required every wrestler on the team to tryoutfor their spot on the roster – regardless of sex.The plaintiffs,who were given a chance to tryout,lost their slots.

After failing to make theICA team,thefour female athletescould havestarted a women’s club wrestling team,giving them the chance to both compete and potentially grow toICA status.While it may seem like a poor substitute,the reality is that UC Davis cannot accommodate every athlete with a spot on the varsity team of their choosing.In sports such as rugby,men’s lacrosse and fieldhockey,UC Davis does not have the resources to fundICA teams,but athletes continue to find ample opportunity to compete nationally on club teams.

The university did bring an additional women’sICA team to the fold in2005in the form of the women’s golf program.UC Davis made the right call in adding the golf team over a wrestling team forseveral reasons,one of whichis that the women’s golf teamwasimmediately eligible to compete in the Big West Conference as the school transitioned to the Division I era,something that would not be possible for women’s wrestling.

The UC Davis athletics program houses an impressive14women’s varsity teams versus12men’s teams,which is well above the national average of8.4women’s squads.There will always be athletes – males and females – who tryout for and do not make teams based on their abilities.

The proposed construction of a highspeed rail for travel between the San Francisco Bay Area and San Diego brings expedient happiness in terms of travel convenience and new leisurely opportunity.But more importantly, AB3034– the Reliable High Speed Passenger Bond Act to help fund the railroad – voices an important advancement in statewide planning that will have infinite benefits for Californians.

Ahigh speed rail system of 800miles will connect parts of the state that are currently difficult to travel between due to theexpansive central valley.It will connect large metropolitan economies so that people whose work demandsthey go between these distanced areas can do so with ease.This type of spatial connection has proven itself in other areas of theUnited States,for example in the railway system that crisscrosses New England,fostering close connections between cities such asPhiladelphia andNew York.

Statewide planning also has a more profound impact on the environment thanthe efforts ofan individual city or metropolitan area.The carbon impact of air travel is immense,and the short flight between Northern andSouthern California is especially wasteful.With ahigh speed rail running an electric bullet train,air quality is uncompromised and more sustainable consumer practices are promoted.

Hopefully,AB3034willfind itself on the ballot this June,as it has been postponed in the past twostateelections.For young voters,this is an important decision rooted in the future of environmental issues.By voting for ahigh speed rail,we may be more proactive in long term sustainable planning for ourstate and increasing its unity.