Boiling down the college experience to a few words is hard to do. How does one capture the freedom and self-discovery? My “101 Greatest Movie Quotes” poster, as often is the case, has the answer: “Toga! Toga!”

Movies like Animal House and Old School instill high school graduates with a picture of what college should be. More importantly, they introduce institutions now synonymous with campus life: fraternities and sororities.

Greek organizations serve their communities in many ways. Here at Davis, Delta Delta Delta collected over $30,000 for philanthropy. Tri Delt? More like Tri-hard. That’s a lot of cash.

Greeks also perform community service. Last year, they performed 25,000 hours’ worth. The ladies of Delta Xi Phi averaged 113 hours of service per member. Fourteen more and James Franco would cut off his arm in a movie for them.

And then there are organizations like the University of Maryland’s chapter of Delta Gamma that promote proactive leadership. In a recent e-mail, one of their officers encourages her sisters to be more social, calling them “idiots” and threatening to punch them in the face should they not comply. And like a true leader, she offers to assault them herself. She should be Rutgers’ next basketball coach.

For those with cultural interests, Greeks like Duke’s Kappa Sigma and Penn State’s Chi Omega promote diversity. I’m sure KS brothers would “chank you” for coming to their infamous “AsiaPrime” party. The Chi Os chose instead to explore Mexican culture. They came to the enlightened conclusion that Mexicans “don’t cut grass,” they “smoke it.”

In all fairness, the media often exploits these negative stories. Locally, at UC Davis, things are different. Well, except for the 2011 lawsuit Ryan Clifford filed against Alpha Epsilon Pi, the Jewish-interest fraternity. Clifford claims he was singled out for hazing as he is non-Jewish. Was he? We don’t know: a judge dismissed the trial, and the decision is being appealed.

And then there was Sigma Alpha Epsilon last year, charged with theft and serving alcohol to minors, then banned from campus. In defense of the Greek community, our chief of police stated that fraternities do not have a history of underage drinking offenses.

These occasional incidents illustrate the pervasive peer pressure that form the Greeks’ Achilles’ heel. These hazings and lawsuits happen because people submit to the will of the group, no matter how much it clashes with their own morals. Everyone does it, they say. It’s tradition.

When the Greek system works well, it works well. There’s a sense of community, of service, of pride. Students give to charity and to each other. They provide the world with things like the “sorority squat,” a now-indispensable modeling technique.

But at their worst, Greeks are the antithesis of what college should be about. It should be about independence, not groupthink. Tolerance and empathy, not abuse and discrimination. Sierra Nevada, not Miller Light.

So how do we change this? How do we solve problems present on campuses across the country?

We could suspend all Greeks from campus affiliation, like Chico State president Paul Zingg did in the wake of Mason Sumnicht’s death last year. He died of alcohol poisoning, drinking 21 shots on his 21st birthday. This might force Greeks to initiate their own improvement. Maybe that’s fairer than forcing university officials to be in a constant state of damage control.

Our own Phi Delta Theta attests to this potential solution. Its charter revoked in 2006, PDT re-established itself on campus in 2010. It has a no-hazing policy because, among other reasons, its founders never endured hazing. Phi Delta Theta should serve as an example for our university.

Another solution would be to dispose of the pledge process. We don’t pass a test to make friends in high school (except for Brain Bowl kids), so why do we accept that as a status quo in college? Greeks need to address their growing negative reputation or risk becoming obsolete. Otherwise, “Toga! Toga!” will be how they’re remembered best.

Though fixed as the North Star, BEN BIGELOW is open to feedback and comments at babigelow@ucdavis.edu.

I think the Mondavi Center is one of the most beautiful buildings on campus. I love that it exists specifically as a venue for people to share their passion, whether that is dancing, music, singing or some other art form. Lately I realized that I have my own mini-Mondavi right in my apartment. I call it my shower.

My shower provides some nice acoustics, so I’ve chosen it as a place to exhibit my singing talents. In that small space I pour out passion and Pantene.

The only issue I have is that I prefer to keep my singing to myself, but have a roommate. I figure that even when I really think I’m having the performance of my life, my roommate probably doesn’t share my artistic vision. There are also those few, very few times when I try to hit a high note and end up cracking my voice like a teenage boy going through puberty.

Well, one afternoon I was relishing in the fact that my roommate was out and I had the entire apartment to myself. I stood in the shower and let water run over me as I belted out my best rendition of Beauty and the Beast’s “Little Town.” The only words that I actually know from that song are “There must be more than this provincial life.” But believe me, I sang those eight words.

I ran through a few of my other favorite tunes before turning off the water. As I emerged from my performing arts center, I saw them. Green post-it notes, covering my door. My roommate, who had arrived instants after I stepped into the bathroom, had heard every song and had done me the favor of quoting the lyrics I sang on post-its. It was essentially an instant replay of my shower.

She also drew a llama, which was supposed to be me, with musical notes coming out of its mouth. I looked up “llama sounds” on YouTube, and discovered that their noises are a cross between those of a goat and a seagull. This wasn’t exactly the sound I was going for with my rendition of Beauty and the Beast.

After this incident, I decided to find a new place to perform. On a Friday night at 2 a.m., I found that venue. I carried my laundry down to my apartment complex’s laundry room and discovered that it was a secluded, empty space. For all those readers who have a strong desire to sing, but can’t be heard by roommates, I have found your solution. I’m expecting to see a whole bunch of people singing in laundry rooms late at night now.

I put in my earphones and sang along to my iPod. I told the dryer to “call me maybe,” requested that the washer “quit playing games with my heart,” and told the Tide to “wash that man right out of my hair.” I then realized that I could combine my singing with dance moves. Clearly, things were getting a little crazy on a Friday night alone in the laundry room.

I strutted up and down the tiles, shaking it, sprinkling it and Macarena-ing it. It was only then that a movement outside caught my eye. I stared, startled. As I looked up, I saw that the window was open. The lights created a glare on the window that made it difficult for me to see out, but quite easy for someone in the dark to see inside.

A minute later I heard the doorknob rattling. In walked a young man who lives in my complex. He began with, “I heard you singing and I came to see where the noise was coming from. I thought it was a CD!”

When I get embarrassed, I blush. I can guarantee I could have been mistaken for a lobster at this moment in time.

I said, “Thank you!” and tried to figure out why this man was delusional enough to compliment me. He walked over and said, “What were you singing?”

I had actually been singing a song called “Place in this World” that came out in the 90s. To my shock, he replied, “Oh, I know that one! Let’s sing it together!”

I tried to refuse, but he insisted. So I took one earphone and he took the other and together we sang “Place in this World” at 2:15 a.m. alone in the laundry room. At the time, the only place in the world I wanted to be was hiding under a rock in embarrassment. I half sang, half spoke the words as I blushed continually. He kept saying, “Come on, louder! Louder! Really sing it!” Until my laundry was washed and dried, I remained in that laundry room talking to this man and singing all the 90s songs on my iPod.

MARCI MONTANARI sounds like a llama when she sings. Email mcmontanari@ucdavis.edu to arrange a sing-a-long.

Each year, May brings us spring flowers, Whole Earth, Mother’s Day — and lots of self-love.

National Masturbation Month was created by the San Francisco-based sex shop Good Vibrations, but their goal wasn’t merely to boost vibrator sales. In 1994, U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders attended a United Nations AIDS conference, where she suggested that masturbation “is a part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught [in schools].” President Clinton fired her because of the resulting controversy.

Not long after, the sex-positive folks at Good Vibrations decided to use the month of May to fight the centuries-old social stigma surrounding masturbation.

And even though this has been going on for nearly two decades, we still have a long way to go. A few weeks ago, for example, high school science teacher Tim McDaniel was under investigation for saying “vagina” in a lesson on the human reproductive system.

Sex education has such great potential — not only for improving students’ future or current sex lives, but also for improving their physical and emotional health. However, this potential can only be realized if educators and parents can agree to get over their embarrassment, challenge their own preconceptions and finally offer truly comprehensive sex education — a lesson plan which would include masturbation.

It always surprises me that the more conservative the adult is, the less they seem to feel that masturbation has a place in the classroom. Even advocates of abstinence-only sex ed should see the benefits of learning about masturbation: it’s one of the few sexual activities that carries no risk of STIs or pregnancy. Mutual masturbation is a far safer way to be intimate for teens who may not have access to condoms or birth control, or for those who are not yet emotionally ready for other types of sex.

Flying solo every once in a while is even good for your health. For women, masturbating can help to prevent cervical infections and relieve UTIs. Men who masturbate regularly can reduce their risk of prostate cancer. A little self-love is also a great way to reduce stress or relax before bed, as sexual arousal increases levels of dopamine, the “feel-good” hormone, and orgasm releases the calming hormones oxytocin and dopamine.

What’s more, getting to know one’s own sexuality can vastly improve partnered sex. Masturbation teaches us what we like and don’t like, what works and what doesn’t work. And being able to communicate these needs and desires to a partner is especially important for those whose orgasms are harder to come by.

Including masturbation in sex ed could also help to dispel much of the shame and embarrassment that often goes along with solitary pleasure. For many guys, jerking off is seen as something of a last resort, a sad and lonely alternative to “real” sex. And although 50 to 70 percent of women masturbate, the act is still perceived by many as “unladylike,” and orgasms are often followed by a feeling of shame. Many girls do not even know that female masturbation is a possibility (I didn’t until I was 14, no thanks to seventh grade health class).

Providing information about masturbation could also prevent issues later in students’ sexual lives. For example, guys who masturbate with condoms not only save their tube socks, but also report fewer sensitivity issues when having protected sex with partners. Conditions like “death grip syndrome,” which occurs when guys who have used too tight of a grip have trouble maintaining an erection during partnered sex, could also be addressed and possibly prevented. For both girls and guys, encouraging variety in position and technique could lead to easier orgasms with partners as well.

That being said, this sort of sex education would not ostracize those students who chose not to masturbate. Just as abstinence from sex is always an option, so is abstinence from masturbation. But in order for us to teach kids that they have a choice, we also need to present both sides. Including masturbation in sex education is a great way to reduce social stigma, encourage sexual self-awareness and improve the physical and mental health of students. With all these benefits, a little embarrassment seems like a small price to pay.

MARISA MASSARA hopes this column has touched you. If you still don’t know what masturbation is, email her at mvmassara@ucdavis.edu.

We as Student Assistants at Health Education and Promotion (HEP) at Student Health and Counseling Services (SHCS) would like to address some of the concerns presented in the May 2 guest opinion piece regarding Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) testing accessibility and the climate of sex positivity on campus. Firstly, we would like to say that we are concerned that the student had what they felt to be a negative experience when trying to get tested. From our time working here we know that the professional staff at SHCS strive to create a safe and non-judgemental atmosphere.

We strongly encourage students to utilize the resources available at SHCS. We believe that sexual health is crucial to overall well-being, and we try to make it as easy as possible for students to get tested. In fact, we just ended our “Are You Positive You’re Negative?” campaign that informs students about our chlamydia testing resources. We also support students taking control of their sexual health by having multiple ways to schedule STI-testing appointments (such as over the phone or online via Health-e-Messaging), as well as providing free, anonymous HIV testing and low cost screening for chlamydia and gonorrhea.

In addition to the services available in the clinic, the Love Lab, our mobile cart that provides safer sex products at no charge, has been part of our campus outreach since 2007. It is always stocked with information on low-cost or free community resources related to HIV and STI testing. More recently, we have produced a guide to healthy sexual communication entitled, “How to be Sexcessful”, and have created a campaign to address this issue. Our goal is to empower students to talk openly and without shame about sex so that they can have happier, healthier sex lives. In addition, through our website, we provide a HIV- and STI-testing map for those who prefer online resources. Students with questions about SHCS STI testing services can visit shcs.ucdavis.edu/sti.

As students who value access to quality sexual health care we have confidence that SHCS leadership welcomes input about how to best meet the needs of students. We hope all who are part of the university community will continue the discussion about how we can work together to provide optimal sexual health services on our campus.

Sam Wall and Rosa Gonzalez
Sexual Health Student Assistants
Health Education and Promotion

Merril Lavezzo
MPH Candidate
Social Media Coordinator
Health Education and Promotion