Social time is essential for your well-being
By MOLLY THOMPSON – mmtthompson@ucdavis.edu
Coming into college, I knew I’d be learning a lot. What I didn’t expect to learn was the value of social relationships.
I thought I was done learning my lesson about the importance of friends back in middle school or maybe early high school when I was having revelations about the “true meaning of friendship.” But lo and behold, there’s more where that came from.
In my middle-teenage years, I was the type of kid who took a lot of my friendships for granted. I was so focused on school, extracurriculars and other aspects of my personal life that I didn’t invest a lot of time into my social life. At the time, that was fine. My friends and I were secure so it didn’t hurt our connections.
The way I saw it (and this may come across as pretentious), spending time with my peers was less productive and less valuable than the time I spent studying, working, at mock trial practice or at dance rehearsal. My friends ended up at the bottom of my priority list, and by the time everything else was checked off, I didn’t have any time or energy left to give to them. Throughout high school I rarely saw my friends outside of campus — it wasn’t until I got to college that I understood what I missed out on.
I’ve always been a social person, but I definitely underestimated the effect that social interaction has on my quality of life. I now see it as a necessity for my well-being, the same way that I see exercise or rest or therapy. That mentality shift is a part of growing up. For some of us that comes naturally and it’s not as much of a revelation, but it’s a milestone nonetheless.
Learning what to prioritize is part of maturing. We have to figure out how to take care of ourselves, and that means covering basic needs like food and water, keeping our spaces clean and well-curated and staying on top of schoolwork and other logistical responsibilities.
But it also means learning to tend to your emotional and mental needs. It means taking breaks when you need to, even if it feels unproductive. It means redirecting your inner monologue when it’s being too harsh or derogatory. It means understanding that social interactions are important and productive and shouldn’t be written off as unnecessary or frivolous. Appreciating time with friends is healthy; we really do need each other.
I didn’t come to this realization until this past summer between my first and second years. I returned to my hometown, a suburb of Santa Cruz, after a year of living in constant connection with my peers. I had a busy schedule lined up — I was interning in Monterey, working my local ice cream shop job from my fourth year of high school, teaching weekly classes at my old dance studio and trying to spend time with my family while I was home. But even amongst all of that, I felt unfulfilled. I was discouraged, pessimistic and disillusioned. In reality, I was lonely. Yes, I was surrounded by people for most of the day, but I wasn’t spending any quality time with my friends.
I was busy doing things I enjoyed and was interested in, but it didn’t really matter because I was missing the crucial social time that I need to live a fulfilling life. When I got back to Davis in the fall, moved in with my friends and started seeing my peers on a daily basis, I felt much better. I was more motivated, optimistic and excited. That’s the moment it clicked for me — quality friendships really are necessary.
Maturing is realizing that social interaction is not to be put on the back burner. It can be hard to make time for friends when the calendar is full of classes, work, homework, clubs and chores, but it’s worth it. It’s not something that can be sacrificed.
As a society, I think we have a tendency to treat social time as a guilty pleasure — an indulgence, a treat, a reward. But in truth, it’s more like a vitamin: it’s important to make sure we get our daily dose.
Written by: Molly Thompson — mmtthompson@ucdavis.edu
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