Understanding how we deal with the past
By Tara Romero — tcrome@ucdavis.edu
Halloween and the time of ghost stories has come and gone, but why do I still feel haunted?
When we think of the word “haunted,” we tend to imagine some sort of Victorian poltergeist moving objects around an old dark mansion or some kind of spirit terrorizing a family like in “The Conjuring.”
Similarly, the concept of hauntings appears throughout our culture in movies and literature. We use the idea of ghosts to represent the physical embodiments of the past who haunt and torment people in the present. Something about the idea of figures from the past lingering with unfinished business fascinates us — perhaps because this is something we can relate to all too well.
I believe that hauntings are more than ghost stories; to understand hauntings is to understand ourselves and how we deal with our pasts. The way we experience and think about memories is through a sort of “haunting.” Existing outside of our daily consciousness, our past looms over us. Every once in a while, like a ghost manifesting itself in front of us, a past memory suddenly appears in our thoughts.
We all know the feeling of going to sleep and suddenly shooting awake remembering the embarrassing thing we did eight years ago. No matter how much we try to repress it, our mind cannot help but bring back that godforsaken memory from the vault.
In this way, memories from our past continuously haunt us as they reappear again and again. The worst thing that someone has done to us. The worst thing we’ve ever done. The feeling of an unwanted touch still lingering on our skin, no matter how many hundreds of showers we’ve taken since. Like ghosts, our past memories eternally walk alongside us, not allowing themselves to be forgotten.
We are all haunted. Memories torment us — constantly reminding us of our guilt, shame and fear. So how do we exorcize our ghosts?
One way in which we try to escape these ghosts is through repression, which is the urge to ignore our pasts in order to make them go away. Out of sight, out of mind, right? However, ignoring our pasts only makes the hauntings worse. The feelings of guilt, shame, fear and anger all continue to grow and fester. Through repression, we give our pasts the power to truly hurt us.
The past will always resurface, no matter how much we try to ignore it. With the way our memories work, the smallest detail can force us to remember something we tried so hard to forget. Whether it’s when you eat a certain food, smell a specific smell or hear the name of someone you once knew — something will inevitably remind you of your past.
It’s impossible to escape what haunts us; the thing about these ghosts is that they never truly go away. I do not believe there is any way to get rid of our pasts, and that the past is not something that we can change. We have no way of controlling our past selves or the things that happened to us, so we must live with the memories that we have.
Understanding our pasts through the lens of haunting makes our worst moments feel inescapable. How are we supposed to live if we are eternally plagued by our memories?
The answer is that we must learn to live alongside our ghosts. This looks different for everyone, but the first step is always the same. We need to let our ghosts show themselves. Memories can be painful, but we cannot let them hold so much power over us. By confronting the difficult times in our lives, we begin the process of coming to terms with them — the process of healing. Our memories will always haunt us, but we do not have to feel haunted.
Written by: Tara Romero— tcrome@ucdavis.edu
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