A review of “Hotel California” by Tyga: Don’t let this man near a mic

At least 290,000 people bought Tyga’s last album, despite Tyga’s involvement in its creation. I really hope “Hotel California,” his newest, does not do that well.

The problems with the record begin before the listener even hears the music. The album’s ridiculous cover features a tiger lounging next to a swimming pool with some palm trees in the background, which Tyga believes represents California. It doesn’t fit the music’s sound and it doesn’t fit my beautiful home state.

The beats aren’t much better. While there are some clever samples (such as a song by Tony! Toni! Toné!), it feels like a lot of the beats are constructed from one or two bar samples, which leads to a repetitive sound.

Tyga is the worst kind of rapper. His flow is awful, his lyrics suck (the album’s first line: “T-Raww, fuck y’all, money tall, dick large”), his rhyming is horrendous (on “Hijack” he attempts to rhyme “shooter,” “moolah,” “Koopa,” “hooters,” and “hookah”), and he has lame and boring subject manner. Not only that, but unlike his last album, the guests don’t save him. “Hijack” features one of the weakest 2 Chainz verses yet while “Dope” features Rick “It Wasn’t Date Rape” Ross sounding absolutely deflated.

The worst part about Tyga is his arrogance. In “Hotel California,” which shares a name with one of the greatest rock songs ever recorded, Tyga outdoes his first album title, which implied he was “the last king” of the rap game. Not only does Tyga rap over a Dr. Dre production, but he also attempts to trade verses with TUPAC SHAKUR. While he wasn’t allowed to do so on the album version (which is proof there is a God), the single “Hit ‘Em Up” (named after Tupac’s classic diss song) features a third verse in which Tyga fills in the blanks between some sampled Tupac lines. I can’t believe he even attempted to do this.

Young Money, the rap crew which claimed responsibility for this record, seems to be moving towards the most perfectly awful rap album. “Hotel California” is one step away from being so bad, it’s weaponized. This is easily one of the worst things I’ve ever heard.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I didn’t listen to the last four songs because there weren’t any guests and the thought of 15 minutes of undiluted Tyga frightened me.

SCORE: 0 / 5

IF YOU LIKE THIS, LISTEN TO: Anything but rap music. If you like this album, I’m forbidding you from listening to rap music any more. Go away.

JOHN KESLER can be reached at arts@theaggie.org.