Alfred? Alexander? Alexandra?
Dear Editors at The California Aggie,
My name is Dr. Barnaby Alastair Exeter-Asherton, PhD, and I’m a professor in the Department of Sociology at UC Davis. I’m writing on behalf of myself and my colleagues in the sociology department to express our grave concerns over the sorry state of public education at all levels in California and America.
I think it would be quite impactful if you were to write an article about this crisis, so I’m providing you with a valuable piece of evidence that can perhaps help steer your investigation in the right direction. Below, I’ve copied a portion of a recently-submitted paper proposal in which some dumbshit student in my general sociology class is seemingly under the impression that “Et al” is not an abbreviation — rather, a person named Al Et. As in last name, Et, first name, Al. You have to see this, it’s just too good:
“While writing my first paper for this class earlier in the quarter, I became fascinated by the prolific and remarkably-interdisciplinary output of the academic Al Et. My paper was also of an interdisciplinary nature, which required integrating theories and principles from the social and natural sciences. As I researched, I was struck by the fact that Et authored just about every academic paper and journal article I used as a source, including extensive papers on biology, evolution, neuroscience, psychology, philosophy, political science, law, economics, music, art history, computer science, sociology, feminist theory, geology, astrophysics and esports. What a Renaissance Man! But this got me thinking: is Et a man or a woman? Al could be short for Alfred, Alexander, Alexandra, Allison… so many possibilities! And how does the mystery surrounding their gender and sexual orientation impact their work? Thus, I think conducting further research into Et’s life and work would be an incredibly interesting way to explore and deconstruct the topic of how different societies encourage or discourage an integrative, interdisciplinary approach to problem solving through the style of their educational systems. Let me know if you have any more recommended sources!”
You know, when it comes down to it, I’m not really thatt concerned about pubic education. To be honest, I think this jackass student is way too funny and I just had to share this bullshit with someone. I’m out drinking with some colleagues in the sociology depsrtmnet right now,,,, snd my cowworkers thought my fumbass student was fivling hilarious as shot too snd i think their daring me to send this pour kids homework to a newspapwe as a prank or somethingggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg o shit i;m pretty hammered npw i must
Ve fallen asleep or blaked outt
Sin sincerely,
A., B.A.E
Re: Public Education
Dear Editors at The California Aggie,
My deepest apologies for the spam email you received last night. My UCD email account was definitely hacked, so I hope you don’t turn this into a story about young professors acting unprofessionally, drinking irresponsibly and disrespecting their students. We have the utmost respect for our students and our role as educators.
All the best,
Dr. Barnaby Alastair Exeter-Asherton, PhD
Written by: Benjamin Porter — bbporter@ucdavis.edu
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)
