Finding meaningful experiences amongst life’s inherent limitations is easier said than done
By JHANA RHODES—jsrho@ucdavis.edu
I feel existential and have been this way for over two weeks. As I stood in front of one of the many towering bookshelves in The Avid Reader Bookstore, vibrant mosaics of books — from Edgar Allan Poe to Jenny Han — lined the shelves, their scent a blend of aged wood and dry ink. After contemplating whether I was spending the night with Shakespeare or Oscar Wilde, I reluctantly placed Hamlet inside my tote bag.
As the checkout line inched forward, each step was further away from thousands of uncharted books and one step closer to the cashier, along with an inevitable realization: My desire to consume outweighs my capacity to do so. And it’s not just for books. There are millions of films I haven’t seen, songs I haven’t listened to, places I’ve never been and people I’ve never met. Though I am only one person, I find myself increasingly frustrated at the thought of not accomplishing my limitless aspirations.
While my existential conundrum highlights my personal struggle with actualization, it’s a feeling far from unique. Sylvia Plath poignantly captured this feeling: “I am gone quite mad with the knowledge of accepting the overwhelming number of things I can never know, places I can never go, and people I can never be.”
Plath’s quote encapsulates years of my existential angst into one sentence, beautifully summing up the human experience and the desire to experience limitless possibilities. Our world is full of uniqueness, beauty and rich and diverse culture, and therefore, it is only natural to want to experience everything life has to offer. But alas, there are inherent limits.
To clarify, I don’t want to live forever. I learned from Edward Cullen — the brooding, sparkling vampire — that immortality sucks, literally. If I were stuck at 17 for over a hundred years, I’d be mad, too. However, the intrigue of immortality is still there. With unlimited time, I’d be able to earn every doctorate degree, be a master of all trades and maybe even read all of the 62 million (and counting) pages of Wikipedia. If I had all of the time in the world, perhaps I’d have time to explore everything life offers. However, if I had the opportunity to do everything, how much of it would I appreciate?
With hard work and determination, anyone can accomplish any goal they set their mind to. Though I’m sure we all join student clubs and associations we are passionate about, it’s important to create meaningful goals rather than superficial ones, such as joining a club on campus solely for the status or perceived resume boost. Though the experience is excellent, you’d be able to appreciate it more if you had a genuine interest in the club’s activities.
Ultimately, although it perturbs me that I won’t be around to witness all the newest films, songs and literature available hundreds of years from now, I accept that my time is finite. It’s bittersweet — I can’t do or be everywhere all at once. This limitation makes my limited experiences that much more meaningful.
I’m still learning to worry less about all of the paths I have not taken, and instead, I’m learning to appreciate the path I’m currently on. In the meantime, I’m happy watching my little sister grow up into an outstanding adult, walking around the neighborhood with my mom or talking about anything and everything with my grandma. I am beyond grateful for all the memories I experienced in the past, the opportunities in the present and the adventures to come in the future.
Written by: Jhana Rhodes— jsrho@ucdavis.edu
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