Hey there, sexy. How are you feeling today? Has your week been just a little too crazy? Are you a bit tired? I know, baby. I know.

Relax. Take a breather. Undo a zipper, a button. I’ll get you in the mood for something good. Close your eyes and breathe. Let me take care of you.

All right. Was I starting to sound sexy?

Or are you just uncomfortable now?

I guess I shouldn’t have jumped into things so quickly. My apologies. Let’s start over.

Hi. I’m Mario Lugo. I’m a Virgo English major who enjoys a good book, a well-executed outfit and a quickie any time. Just like you, I came to college, a wandering soul looking for love at all the wrong parties, and didn’t really know who I’d turn out to be. Oddly enough, I became this guy.

If you were here last year, you might remember me. Welcome back, honeybees. If you’re a Davis first-timer, I hope you love it here so far. I know we’re not much to look at, and the smell is oftentimes difficult to bear, but we’ll grow on you. Just wait ’til Picnic Day. You’ll fall for us.

Last year I wrote a column in The Aggie. My main focus was relationships, aiding my fellow teens and 20-somethings at UC Davis in the ways of love and lust. I’d share my stories, hoping you’d realize just one thing: If someone like me – a crazy, hopeless and awkward shopaholic who’s a little too fabulous sometimes – can manage coming out of the dating world alive, you can too.

This year will be a bit different than last, however. I’ll still be here for you, honeybees, don’t worry. But this time, I’m sticking to sex. Mario Lugo, sex columnist. It just sounds hot, doesn’t it?

To be completely honest, sex amazes me. And to answer your questions, no, I’m not a slut or a pervert. I’m just a sex-positive person who understands you. I understand that you have needs and desires. I know about that little fetish you’re too scared to unveil. I know that you’re a little confused, may be too afraid to ask some questions and could use a friend to talk to.

I could be that friend. I’m here to talk about things you might be curious about. And it’s perfect because I’m right here in The Aggie – rest assured, you can be reading about something naughty like foreplay or vibrators completely guilt-free. No one will say anything about you; you’re simply reading the paper. See, I really am your friend.

So let’s get back to you. After all, that’s what I’m here for. Remember how relaxed you were before I started telling you about me? Let’s go back there. Relax, I’m all about you right now.

Now that you’re in the mood, think about your ideal sex partner. Don’t feel guilty if you’ve got a boyfriend and are imagining the perfect hybrid of George Clooney’s face and Taylor Lautner’s torso – I’m doing it, too. This is your fantasy and the sky’s the limit.

But wait, what do you hear? Are you alone and hear nothing? Or are you somewhere public, trying to drown out the rest of the world? Don’t you just wish you could play some really good music to help keep the mood alive?

Sex music. Yes, there is such a thing. Many people play music during sex for various reasons, one being obvious: to get the mood going. Let’s be real, no one can resist feeling a little hot and bothered when Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” starts up. Sometimes, a good tune is all we need to get us started.

But other times, it may not really matter what’s playing. As long as it overpowers the moans and groans of those getting it on, it serves its purpose. My roommate Belle and her boyfriend are big adherents to this method.

Having taken and passed psychology last year, I feel I have enough academic license to tell you that the human brain is very responsive to music. So sometimes, music can affect the sex you’re having. Just have time for a quickie? Try Pepper’s “Give It Up” or a raunchy Ke$ha tune. Want it to mean a little more? There’s Luther Vandross or Sade. Just feeling naughty? There are plenty of songs for that.

But something I found on the Internet might make the sound of music appealing to more than just your ears: a vibrator that rocks your world to the beat of your own iPod. The device is called an OhMiBod – just plug in your iPod, hit play and let the music you love, “love you back.”

Pop the name into Google and explore the site – it’s really nifty. They come in different models, colors and sizes. There’s even a vibrator for those “on the go” that connects to your cell phone!

There’s something to leave you thinking about. But now it’s time for you to run along and get busy with your day.

See, this was nothing more than a good sex talk with your friend in the paper. Wasn’t it fun?

Next week, we’re talking about semen. See you then! It was a pleasure meeting you.

MARIO LUGO loves talking to you already. He has some great song recommendations if you’re itching to make a sex playlist. And remember, this column’s for you! So don’t be shy! If there’s something you want to hear about, drop a line at mlugo@ucdavis.edu.

California lawmakers passed AB 2486 this past August, a bill that put alcohol providers at risk for lawsuit if their actions indirectly lead to injury or death.

Under this law, there is no distinction between buying alcohol for an adult or for a minor. An alcohol provider is equally responsible for an intoxicated 20 year-old causing vehicular manslaughter, as they are for a 16 year-old in the same situation.

This lack of distinction is something that we feel undermines the integrity of legal adulthood. By increasing the responsibility of the buyer past the point of their control, the bill reassigns blame unfairly.

The intention of this law is to dissuade those 21 and older from providing alcohol to minors. A spokesperson for the Governor even cites the bill as a way to protect children and underage youth from alcohol. But in reality, intoxicated children are not the problem.

Intoxicated 18- to 20-year-olds, however, are an issue. It is their 21 and older peers who will be most unfairly affected by this law.

We do not argue with the illegality of providing alcohol to minors. But if there is anything the buyer is responsible for, it is only that.

What happens after the alcohol is consumed should be the responsibility of the adult who is drinking. To make anyone else liable reduces the value of his or her legal adulthood.

We believe that the law should be amended to remove the liability of alcohol-providers for the actions of other adults. With the law the way it is, California will allow the unfair prosecution of young adults for the actions of their peers.

Every day we work hard to provide you, the readers, with news you can use.

You are our primary audience and as a result we value your input. We want to understand what is important to you because we serve you as the community of Davis. If there is something you would like us to know, something you would like to contribute or a position you desire, remember: you have the ability to make an impact at The Aggie in many capacities.

Here are some ways you, as readers, can contribute to The Aggie:

Letters to editor: If you feel strongly about something, write a letter to the editor and let our readers know. You may be able to give an alternate opinion or provide more insight to an issue than an unbiased reporter can. Letters to the editor are essential to creating dialogue on important topics and debates on campus.

Submit your letter to editor@theaggie.org. Try to keep the word count between 550 and 650.

Press releases: Is there something you think we should write about? An event we should cover? Let us know about it by sending us a press release with some background information and at least three people a reporter can contact.

E-mail the desk you think the article is most relevant to: campus, city, features, sports, science, arts. Addresses can be found on our website, theaggie.org.

Photos: Have a photo you would like an editor to consider for placement in The Aggie? Send an e-mail to photo@theaggie.org

Tips: Know something we don’t? Contact us to report information on story ideas or ways to improve the paper.

If you see an error in The Aggie, e-mail us so that we can correct our error. Journalistic integrity and accuracy are very important to us.

Join our team: If you’d like learn about the fast-paced world of journalism or join our production team, apply to work at The Aggie. There are an abundance of opportunities available for reporters, layout artists, photographers, copyreaders, advertising representatives or distributors.

Applications are available online at asucd.ucdavis.edu/jobs or you can e-mail managing@theaggie.org.

Welcome, freshmen. I knew y’all would be here, fucking up our bike lanes and screaming overly friendly statements to strangers, wearing your new outfits and smiling rabidly at all the opportunity and new experiences Davis has to offer. (You know, cause there’s a lot going on in Davis, and that’s why you chose this school.)

Nope, I’m not hating. In fact, three years ago, I was in the same place as you, suddenly very open-minded, so very willing to try new things.

You see, I’m a senior right now. I’ve changed a lot since being a freshman. Instead of being an uptight little square bitch, I slowly opened myself up to people and let myself try new things: commuting via bicycle, going to frat parties and … you know, smokin’ some … dope?

Well, have you tried it? You know, marijuana? Weed, ganja, Mary Jane, dank? The green, green giant?

‘Cause if you haven’t, you should. You really should. Not because you’re in college and you’re crazy, and not because you want to be cool, but because it’s one more new thing to try, and you know what? You might just love it.

I tried weed for the first time in college. It was dark and windy, and I don’t remember how the situation began, but there I was, hidden behind some bush near the ARC with my stoner dormmates (they were totally smokin’ me out, bro), a hoodie around my body to conceal the pipe from the roaring wind.

“And suck suck suck!” my Broseph said to me. “Now hold it in, hold it in and let it out.” And then there was laughter as I coughed my brains out.

Shortly thereafter, my eyelids seemed to be plunging, possibly melting from my face. I stumbled back to my dorm room and stared at myself in the mirror. “I look fucked up,” I said to myself.

And so a legacy began. Since freshman year, my marijuana use has grown exponentially, and I have reaped its benefits. I’ve met the coolest people, done the darndest things and made some great memories while high. Food has tasted better, sunlight has felt better on my skin and everything has been so much more interesting. But the best part of smoking marijuana was that it enlightened me. My thinking changed, my mind opened and I calmed down. Instead of letting the stress of school and life consume me, I saw my problems through different perspectives, enabling me to reassess them. I had many epiphanies. I became chill – Zen, even.

Am I saying that if you toke you’ll be as peaceful as the Dalai Lama? No. I’m only telling you to give it a try. And if you don’t like it, then you don’t like it. Marijuana isn’t for everyone.

To help you on your self-discovering journey, I’ve compiled a short list of advice for the certain qualms that new smokers may experience that may prevent them from wanting to smoke again:

Paranoia: Often times newbie tokers have bad trips, and then they don’t ever want to smoke again. It’s all in your head, babes. You’re not choking, you’re not going to die and the invisible police outside cannot smell it. Take a breather, calm down and have a friend rub your back.

Sleepiness: When you first begin toking, you may want to knock out immediately. Then you think, well, I get so tired when I smoke, so I don’t see why it’s fun. Just keep smoking, and keep yourself up. Soon, when you’re a seasoned toker like me, you’ll forget to fall asleep.

Coughing: Always bring water. When it burns and you’re coughing a lot, you know that you’re going to be really lit. It’s a good thing. But if you’re concerned for your health, there are plenty of other options that are less harsh than blunts and joints, such as ice bongs, vaporizers and edibles. (Note: don’t try edibles until you are ready for it.)

Stench: Febreze is your friend. Smoke outdoors for best results. When coming indoors, take off your jacket.

Dryness: Clear Eyes Extra Strength Redness Relief sells at Walmart for $2. Cottonmouth should be expected. Drink liquids.

Be in good company: Smoke with people you trust. They’ll be there to calm you down as well as entertain you.

Don’t be scared to give it a try. As senior Fiona L. says, “It’s like a restaurant. You step right in, look around, enjoy it a little and leave with a little bit of satisfaction.” And if you really like that restaurant, you’ll go back.

MAY YANG can be reached at mayyang@ucdavis.edu.